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"What Democracy Means to Me"; by Johnny Carson
Topic Started: Feb 11 2005, 12:23 PM (29 Views)
htz3
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Former Delegate Member of COG

"What Democracy Means to Me"
by Johnny Carson

To me, democracy means placing trust in the little guy,
giving the fruits of nationhood to those who built the
nation. Democracy means anyone can grow up to be
president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice
president.

Democracy is people of all races, colors, and creeds
united by a single dream: to get rich and move to the
suburbs away from people of all races, colors, and
creeds. Democracy is having time set aside to worship -
18 years if you're Jim Bakker.

Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with
money you don't have to impress people you wish were
dead. And, unlike communism, democracy does not mean
having just one ineffective political party; it means
having two ineffective political parties.

Democracy means freedom of sexual choice between any
two consenting adults; Utopia means freedom of choice
between three or more consenting adults. But I digress.
Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and
giving them something to hold onto - usually a mop or a
leaf blower. It means that with proper timing and
scrupulous bookkeeping, anyone can die owing the
government a huge amount of money.

Democracy means a thriving heartland with rolling
fields of Alfalfa, Buckwheat, Spanky, and Wheezer.
Democracy means our elected officials bow to the will
of the people, but more often they bow to the big butts
of campaign contributors.

Yes, democracy means fighting every day for what you
deserve, and fighting even harder to keep other weaker
people from getting what they deserve. Democracy means
never having the Secret Police show up at your door. Of
course, it also means never having the cable guy show
up at your door. It's a tradeoff. Democracy means free
television. Not good television, but free.

Democracy is being able to pick up the phone and,
within a minute, be talking to anyone in the country,
and, within two minutes, be interrupted by call
waiting.

Democracy means no taxation without representation, and
god knows, we've just about had the hell represented
out of us. It means the freedom to bear arms so you can
blow the "o" out of any rural stop sign you want.

And finally, democracy is the eagle on the back of a
dollar bill, with 13 arrows in one claw, 13 leaves on a
branch, 13 tail feathers, and 13 stars over its head.
This signifies that when the white man came to this
country, it was bad luck for the Indians, bad luck for
the trees, bad luck for the wildlife, and lights out
for the American eagle.

I thank you.
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