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Because I am a Man; A PSA to all women
Topic Started: Jan 31 2005, 03:50 PM (77 Views)
Caer Rialis
Member Avatar
Asleep

Because I am a Man:

  • When I lock my key in the car, I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia or heat stroke has set in. AAA is not an option.


  • When the car isn't running well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I am looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start.' We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.


  • When I catch cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. As you're a woman, you never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.


  • I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like 'cumin' or 'tofu'. For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphamism. And, lads, cumin is a spice.


  • When one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.


  • I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss an entire show looking for it.


  • There is no need to ask me what I am thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars, or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.


  • I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it . . . . And don't forget to pick up somehting for my Mom too.


  • You don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't, and if you are feeling amorous afterwards then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.


  • I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?


  • And, well, this is the year 2005, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vaccuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest . . . like looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
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Semartica
Mikail Vlodmekov, Private Investigations.

LOL

Ditto on most of those, exept I know Jack-Squat about cars, cook with spices all the time, and don't mind colds as much.
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papapatagonia
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EC Enforcer turned Mercenary

Grab a beer and drop your pants
send the wife and kid to France
It's The Man Show
Quit your job and light a fart
Yank your favorite private part
It's The Man Show!
It's a place where men can come together
Look at the cans on this chick named Heather
Juggy girls on trampolines
Time to loosen those blue jeans
It's The,
Man Show!!
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The 13th Firefly


Haha! Those are soo funny :D
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