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| Rate my poem (yes, I wrote it); Read my poem, then discuss. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Mar 15 2004, 01:58 AM (195 Views) | |
| G_Mooshoo23 | Mar 15 2004, 01:58 AM Post #1 |
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Paranoid “Please, don’t leave me alone,” she says to me. “I understand your fears,” I say to her, “But they’ll never depart, so I must flee.” “You understand, I know, but still I’ll stir.” Yes, I do have pity, since I’m human, but hers are fears of things that cannot change. The closet door is open, bedroom door is closed, nightlight on, soothing sounds on, and rationality is off. Afraid of a new day, she comes to me again; Now my pity, once concern, turns to faith in change. I hope that I don’t refrain to help in waves that will always go through. “I understand your fears,” I say aloud, “But ours are ones of doubt that I’ll allow." |
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| Hoydonia | Mar 15 2004, 08:33 AM Post #2 |
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Somewhere inbetween, the truth lies.
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I like it Mooshoo. I can't help but like posted poetry simply for the guts it takes to throw something, usually very personal, out here for close scrutiny.The most troublesome area was the end. I would work on the last line as it doesn't match the pacing of the others. Good effort.
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| G_Mooshoo23 | Mar 15 2004, 02:27 PM Post #3 |
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Unfortunately I can't change the end. The thing is I wrote that poem one night after thinking about how I really am and...well, it works better with the original title of the poem:skitsophrenia. |
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| cool music | Mar 15 2004, 02:34 PM Post #4 |
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I really like it. you did a good job! |
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| TOOL a HOO | Mar 15 2004, 03:25 PM Post #5 |
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Hey MooShoo, I want to you to know that I voted "no"...not cause I thought it was bad, but it just didn't do anything for me. Then I read the rest of the thread...you should have kept the original title...it suits the poem much better. If you called it "skitsophrenia" I probably would have voted "yes"
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| Christie | Mar 15 2004, 03:35 PM Post #6 |
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Enchantress
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It is always touching when someone takes a part of themselves and puts it out for everyone to see. Thanks for sharing........ Luv, Christie |
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| G_Mooshoo23 | Mar 15 2004, 03:42 PM Post #7 |
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I voted "no" as well...even though it's my poem. The fact is I don't know why I do anything anymore and right now I don't think I should have posted that. There are many other things I could post here that would better describe me, why I put that here is beyond me. Oh, and I'm not afraid of posting anything anywhere. I've been published several times for different poems (ones more angry and depressing than this) and every time I do that my parents joke about making me go to therapy. Sometimes I wish they did, sometimes I wish they'd stop joking and tell me what they really think. Now that I'm on spring break and they're not making me do anything in particular I don't know what I want to do. I'm sorry that I had to confuse you all. |
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| TOOL a HOO | Mar 15 2004, 03:50 PM Post #8 |
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You could probably admit yourself....depending on where you live you might not have to pay for it. |
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| G_Mooshoo23 | Mar 15 2004, 04:27 PM Post #9 |
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Eh. It's not that bad. I've got friends who are doing what they can and it seems to work. Sometimes I just need to physically do something to distract me. Right now I'm working on a pine-wood derby car alongside my little brother. I'm glad he's not here right now...he probably would have freaked out to see me sanding my car. |
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| Yulia | Mar 16 2004, 01:34 AM Post #10 |
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Can I really only vote once? *highlights the "Yes", and clicks on the "You have already voted on this poll"... Snorts and gives up* Er, I understand the dilemmas there. Don't, under any circumstance, wish for therapy... A therapist isn't a whole lot of fun, no matter how much they brain-wash you in to thinking it will help. It really, honestly and truly, doesn't. *Hides behind Michu so Hazel can't get her for saying any of this* I'm also glad you don't want to admit yourself...Moodswings are understandable. I'd post you one of my poems, but I can't yet because I left my stuff at home. :lol: *double checks, looks at the G.W. Bush poem, cracks up and shuts the notebook* I shouldn't bring things like that into a religious state... Er... :mellow: Not meant to offend (because I can see that as a negative remark already) anybody.I've got a lot to say on this subject, but for my own well-being I'm going to refrain from saying more. |
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I can't help but like posted poetry simply for the guts it takes to throw something, usually very personal, out here for close scrutiny.

3:37 AM Jul 11