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| Spango's Elite Grooming Parlour; Babs says: "Caam orn, fulch yer baadger | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Feb 10 2004, 06:15 AM (903 Views) | |
| kloister | Oct 8 2004, 04:49 AM Post #26 |
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Fudgie's 'Fronk'...
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'eaven and Gypsy Nell I am sorry ter say that kloister, due ter the bloody growin' Kathy Burke load over at the chuffin' institute was unable ter continue as managin' partner 'ere at spango's. may I introduce myself...I am babs *Extends a rather hairy but well manicured hand towards Fudge* Your problem comes from the bloody act that ya 're prolly overfeeded them wif fireman sam...i 'ave Pearly Queen this before and I fin' that stefan could 'eaven and Gypsy Nell be sufferin' from an underactive fireman sam thyroid. it aint a common condition but if ya stick ter la sugar fireman sam and keep 'is rations ter maybe every ovver day and continue wif the bleedin' exercise programme 'e will be Calvin Klein...you could also massage the offendin' gland yourself...i 'ave sum spare marigolds round 'ere somewhere? I can sha ya if ya would loike? *Stefan begins to look a little furtive and hides behind Antonio* Well I am sorry to say that Kloister, due to the growing work load over at the Institute was unable to continue as Managing Partner here at Spango's. May I introduce myself...I am Babs Your problem comes from the act that you are probably overfeeded them with JAM...I have seen this before and I think that Stefan could well be suffering from an underactive JAM thyroid. It is not a common condition but if you stick to low sugar JAM and keep his rations to maybe every other day and continue with the exercise programme he will be fine...You could also massage the offending gland yourself...I have some spare marigolds round here somewhere? I can show you if you would like? |
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| Fudgie | Oct 8 2004, 04:55 AM Post #27 |
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Guy Fawkes' Campaign Manager
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Um Babs, my badgers are on a high fitness program as it is, my husband insists on it. They are also on calorie controlled diets, and have a strict watch on their Jam intake. It has only been this last month that Stefan has put on this weight, about the same time as the little darlings developed a passion for leap frog (badger). Antonio never quite makes it over though. |
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| kloister | Oct 8 2004, 05:26 AM Post #28 |
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Fudgie's 'Fronk'...
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*Babs picks up Stefan gently and with a marigold on each hand performs an examination* Na that ya 'ave mentioned it...it would seem that our cute lil' badgery China Plate 'ere is in the family way...i fin' that would explain the Pieces of Eight gain...may I be the Damien Hirst ter congratulate ya and stefan on this 'appy occassion. Now that you have mentioned it...It would seem that our cute little Badgery friend here is in the family way...I think that would explain the weight gain...May I be the first to congratulate you and Stefan on this happy occassion.
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| Fudgie | Oct 8 2004, 05:43 AM Post #29 |
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Guy Fawkes' Campaign Manager
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You mean Stefan is a girl?? Oh dear ... |
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| kloister | Oct 8 2004, 05:56 AM Post #30 |
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Fudgie's 'Fronk'...
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I fin' that ya will find that if ya 'ad checked the chuffin' gender a lil' more closely of dear lil' stefan 'ere ya might 'ave been a lil' more prepared for this eventuality. *Fudge takes a seat, suffering slightly from shock at the thought of raising a cete of fluffy little Badgers...Babs continues in her rather gravelly voice...* It could 'ave been a build up in Bo-le of bass, but I can definately confirm that stefan is stefanie and she will be expectin' sum cute lil' cobbler's awls of fluff in 'round 42 days nickle and dime...obviously this is dependant on the bloody nickle and dime of conception...maybe ya could thra a lil' Isle Of Wight on this? *Babs pours them all, except Stefan'ie', a tall shot of Creme de Menthe* I think that you will find that if you had checked the gender a little more closely of dear little Stefan here you might have been a little more prepared for this eventuality. It could have been a build up in gas, but I can definately confirm that Stefan is Stefanie and she will be expecting some cute little balls of fluff in around 42 days time...obviously this is dependant on the time of conception...Maybe you could throw a little light on this? |
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| Fudgie | Oct 8 2004, 06:04 AM Post #31 |
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Guy Fawkes' Campaign Manager
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Oh good grief! How many babies in a Cete? And I just adopted Stefan .. I knew nothing of him from his prior owner, god bless her. Stefan just needed a home, and we were willing to give it to him. *fans self, and is obviously shocked* Oh dear ... |
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| kloister | Oct 8 2004, 08:27 AM Post #32 |
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Fudgie's 'Fronk'...
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'eaven and Gypsy Nell there could be between wahn and Jack's Alive badgers...but that is usual and we aw kna that round 'ere in the chuffin' saarf pacific things 're very rarely usual...i am Bobby that ya and your Old Pot And Pan can cope wif the bloomin' new 'rrivals and should ya need the institute will be able ter lend a St. Martins-Le-Grand... *Babs, whips off the marigolds and cleanses her hairy palms with a rather strange looking paster...The smell of 'vim' hanging heavy in the air...She reaches behind the counter and hands the rest of the Creme de Menthe bottle to Fudge...* I fin' that ya need alot more of that stiff Tiddley Win'! daan't worry Turtle Dove ya will be Calvin Klein and dandy just as soon as ya can clock straight after this lil' Micro Chip of sweet nectar... Well there could be between one and five Badgers...But that is usual and we all know that round here in the South Pacific things are very rarely usual...I am sure that you and your husband can cope with the new arrivals and should you need the Institute will be able to lend a hand... I think that you need alot more of that stiff drink! Don't worry love you will be fine and dandy just as soon as you can see straight after this little nip of sweet nectar... |
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| PapaC | Oct 8 2004, 11:30 AM Post #33 |
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0.5 Steamie; 0.5 FBB
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The door swings open and a guy carrying a cloudy double bass in one hand and a badger lead in the other enters. On the lower end of the lead is, not surprisingly, a badger. "Hi Babs, I think Jean-Luc needs a good fulch before tomorrows race. Can you fit him in? (if you'll pardon the expression)" And ... I heard some juicy gossip today. For your ears only, right? Apparently, Count Almaviva, heir to the fortune of a noble family, has fallen in love from a distance with a beautiful commoner called Rosina while she was visiting in Madrid. Disguised as a poor student he followed her to Seville. He hired a group of musicians so he could serenade her, and put Fiorello, his servant, in charge. Rosina lives under the constant watch of her guardian, Don Bartolo, and Almaviva sang to her from below the balcony. Romantic, or what? Anyway, the song failed so he paid off the band. They were so grateful that he had a lot of trouble getting rid of them, but he managed it in the end. Just as the band left, he heard someone coming, so he ducked out of the way, sharpish like. It was Figaro, singing his own praises, literally. He has a pretty good voice you know. The Count was delighted because he knew Figaro from before. He used to be the Count's servant, and he's pretty crafty and a bit of a joker. The thought occurred to the Count that Figaro might be able to help him out, so he explained that he'd fallen in love with Rosina but was wooing her in disguise as Lindoro, so he could be sure she loved him for himself and not for his position. Anyway, he's asked Figaro to help him get a chance to talk with Rosina. Figaro said that it would be easy since he's Bartolo’s barber and has free access to the house. Good stuff eh? Hugh Dathortitt told me that. Might get more next week. So then. About that fulch for Jean-Luc ... |
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| j delight | Oct 9 2004, 05:17 AM Post #34 |
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*Suddenly a ninja appears from nowhere, drops Trixie off for a good pre-race fulching, pinches Babs' bottom, tweaks the VP's nose, gives the bass player an extraordinary kiss and disappears* :none: :none: |
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| kloister | Oct 11 2004, 07:41 AM Post #35 |
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Fudgie's 'Fronk'...
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Well Papa...That is interestin' indeed. That Lindoro chap seems ter 'ave taken guidance from Patty Sexton Blake and Baker Mann wiv regard ter his ability for disguise, confudlication and mis-direction. So about that fulch...Of course I can fit yew in darling...Just pop Jean-Luc Kent and Dover there and I can sort him aht as soon as I 'ave finished wiv Stefan and Antonio Kent and Dover here. Oh it is Robin Hood ter see yew again Trixie ma dear. Oi...We'll 'ave no Ninjas in dis reputable establishment...Thank yew kindly... Well Papa...That is interesting indeed. That Lindoro chap seems to have taken guidance from Patty Cake and Baker Mann with regard to his ability for disguise, confudlication and mis-direction. So about that fulch...Of course I can fit you in darling...Just pop Jean-Luc over there and I can sort him out as soon as I have finished with Stefan and Antonio over here. Oh it is good to see you again Trixie my dear. Oi...We will have no Ninja's in this reputable establishment...Thank you kindly... |
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| PapaC | Oct 12 2004, 12:45 PM Post #36 |
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0.5 Steamie; 0.5 FBB
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Babs, I can 'ardly 'ear ya when ya rabbit in pink. Yer too quiet. Yer'll 'ave ter rabbit larder in a different 'ue if ya wanna be 'eard proper like. Babs, I can hardly hear you when you talk in pink. You're too quiet. You'll have to speak louder in a different hue if you want to be heard properly |
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| j delight | Oct 19 2004, 09:20 PM Post #37 |
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from here Stopping in to grab the latest SCANDAL, a new set of wheels and a quick fulch. Out the back door and down the narrow alley they go...
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| Caer Rialis | Oct 20 2004, 07:01 AM Post #38 |
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Asleep
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Chagrined as the pair pulls down an alley on roller skates, my big old Packard too large to fit in the narrow byway![]() I use my knowledge of the Market to whip around the block, hoping to cut them off. |
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| j delight | Oct 20 2004, 07:34 AM Post #39 |
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The pair split up, Helen zipping out of the alley and onto Badger Boulevard. Dave turns back on their path and heads for the end of the alleyway, where he comes up behind Tom. While the Packard stands at a light and Tom oggles Helen, Dave sneaks up and pours a bag of gummies into the gas tank. |
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| Caer Rialis | Oct 20 2004, 07:45 AM Post #40 |
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Asleep
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Stopping at a light, I watch roller-girl Helen torture taxi drivers just for fun. I'm telling you, she said to one, 'Toro, toro taxi. See ya tomorrow, my son.' And what's with her letting that big truck crease her hip? That chilling sensation rushes over me like ths surf. Odd. When the light changes, my Packard stalls. I get out to check the engine. What the? Gotta call a service station. |
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| kloister | Oct 20 2004, 09:36 AM Post #41 |
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Fudgie's 'Fronk'...
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Just hang on there a Cock Linnet Spango...I am goin' ter check aht what that Box of Toys was comin' from the Jumping Jack ov the parlour... Where did I put ma baseball bat? Just hang on there a minute Spango...I am going to check out what that noise was coming from the back of the parlour... Where did I put my baseball bat? |
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| kloister | Oct 21 2004, 06:54 AM Post #42 |
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Fudgie's 'Fronk'...
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Observing from a variety of secluded yet advantageous locations the BIA agents are not concerned with the antics of Helen as they notice the Devilish Dave sneak up to the Packard and deposit something that looks distinctly like high sugar gummi bears...The Badgers nod in appreciation of the flawless execution of that text book manouvre...As Helen & Dave split up the Agents have already anticipated the move and their locations allow for easy tracking of their marks... The BIA Agent at the top of the communications mast, patches himself in just in time to intercept the call from Tom to the service station... Tom seems satisfied with the prompt service and should get his Packard back in a couple of days after the BIA have finished with it... |
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| kloister | Oct 29 2004, 08:49 AM Post #43 |
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Fudgie's 'Fronk'...
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Well Spango...I am glad that those Agents 'ave left the Drum and Bass tidy at least...We 'ave Jonathan Ross'd ov work ter do ready for dis weekends Dennis and Gnasher Racing...The amount ov custom we get is just terrific...That reminds me, I must Scarpa and fetch ma new hat, dress and shoes...Gotta Captain Cook the part when hob nobbin' wiv the hoy poloy... Well Spango...I am glad that those Agents have left the place tidy at least...We have lost of work to do ready for this weekends Badger Racing...The amount of custom we get is just terrific...That reminds me, I must go and fetch my new hat, dress and shoes...Gotta look the part when hob nobbing with the hoy poloy... |
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| kloister | Nov 9 2004, 08:12 PM Post #44 |
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Fudgie's 'Fronk'...
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It looks like I am goin' ter 'ave ma work cut aht for me dis week cleanin' up all those racin' Badgers...Mud matted fur...Pedicures...Silk washing...Rinse and set...There is just goin' ter be no end ter it...It's a damned Robin Hood Dog's Knob I ordered that super size Dennis and Gnasher Bubble Bath tub... It looks like I am going to have my work cut out for me this week cleaning up all those racing Badgers...Mud matted fur...Pedicures...Silk washing...Rinse and set...There is just going to be no end to it...It's a damned good job I ordered that super size Badger bath tub... |
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| parrrrtay | Nov 9 2004, 08:35 PM Post #45 |
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Do not follow me, for I am lost...
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*Arriving early hoping to get an appointment for Erica* What a mess! How long will it take to get a Pedicure...Silk washing...Rinse, Condition and Set? All this mud is not lady-like at all. *mumbling to self......maybe Erica should apply be a cheerleader for the race?!* |
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| kloister | Nov 10 2004, 04:55 AM Post #46 |
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Fudgie's 'Fronk'...
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Hello ma love...We can get ter work on that Isle of Wight away if that is convenient for you...If yew want ter take a seat Kent and Dover there, help yourself ter Creme de Menthe and there is JAM in the fridge. Is there anythin' special that yew would like for Erica?.. Hello my love...We can get to work on that right away if that is convenient for you...If you want to take a seat over there, help yourself to Creme de Menthe and there is JAM in the fridge. Is there anything special that you would like for Erica?.. |
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| parrrrtay | Nov 10 2004, 05:42 PM Post #47 |
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Do not follow me, for I am lost...
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*takes a seat and sips on some Creme de Menthe, while Erica goes to play with the other badgers* Thank you, some pretty silk pink ribbons would be a nice finishing touch!
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| kloister | Nov 11 2004, 05:31 AM Post #48 |
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Fudgie's 'Fronk'...
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That'll be no problem love...I 'ave just had a Heap of Coke in from one ov them ribbon companies and he left me a few samples...What do yew think?..You are more than welcome ter take them and see how Erica looks in them...![]() That will be no problem love...I have just had a bloke in from one of them ribbon companies and he left me a few samples...What do you think?..You are more than welcome to take them and see how Erica looks in them... |
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| j delight | Nov 15 2004, 06:01 PM Post #49 |
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*streaks through the grooming parlour - throws hair ribbons and fulching powder on everyone and runs out the back door=====>>>>>* WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!1 |
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| kloister | Nov 16 2004, 09:13 AM Post #50 |
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Fudgie's 'Fronk'...
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What the Jimmy Nail was that?..Oh hang on...The day ends in the letter 'y'...Full moon...Got ter be Claire DeLune...Better batten down the hatches as she is more than likely ter make another pass soon... Mind you, by the Captain Cook ov her she did not get away scott free... ![]() What the hell was that?..Oh hang on...The day ends in the letter 'y'...Full moon...Got to be Claire DeLune...Better batten down the hatches as she is more than likely to make another pass soon... Mind you, by the look of her she did not get away scott free... |
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1:58 AM Jul 13