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You KNOW You're Italian, If...; a pretty comprehensive list!
Topic Started: Jan 29 2004, 11:13 AM (142 Views)
tull
Capo Di Tutti Capi

o You spent your entire childhood thinking what you ate for lunch was pronounced "sangwich."

o Your family dog understood Italian.



o Every Sunday afternoon of your childhood was spent visiting your grandparents and extended family.



o You've experienced the phenomena of 150 people fitting into 50 square feet of yard during a family cookout.



o You were surprised to discover the FDA recommends you eat three meals a day, not seven.



o You ate pasta for dinner at least three times a week, and every Sunday.



o You grew up thinking no fruit or vegetable had a fixed price and that the price of everything was negotiable

through haggling.


o You watched Lawrence Welk and Ed Sullivan every Sunday night.



o You were as tall as your grandmother by the age of seven.



o You thought everyone's last name ended in a vowel.



o You thought nylons were supposed to be worn rolled to the ankles.



o You were surprised to find out that wine was actually sold in stores.



o You never ate meat on Christmas Eve or any Friday for that matter.



o You ate your salad after the main course.



o You thought Catholic was the only religion in the world.



o You were hit at least once with a wooden spoon.



o You thought every meal had to be eaten with a hunk of bread in your left hand.



o You learned to play bocce before you went to school.



o You can understand Italian but you can't speak it.



o You have at least one relative who came over on the boat.



o You grew up calling the bathroom the baccausa and you only had one.



o You were surprised to learn most kitchen utensils had another name which didn't end in a vowel.



o All of your uncles fought in a World War.



o You have at least one relative who wore a black dress every day for an entire year after a funeral.



o You have relatives who aren't really your relatives.



o You have relatives you don't speak to.



o You drank wine before you were a teenager.



o You grew up in a house with a yard that didn't have one patch of dirt that didn't have a flower or

a vegetable growing out of it.

o Your grandparent's furniture was as comfortable as sitting on plastic.

What!!!! You WERE sitting on plastic.

o You thought that talking loud was normal.

o You thought cookies and the Tarantella were common at all weddings.


o You thought everyone got pinched on the cheeks and had money stuffed in their

pockets by their relatives.

o Your mother is overly protective of the males in the family, no matter what their age.

o Every lunchmeat you ate ended in a vowel.

o There was a crucifix in every room of the house, including the cellar.

o There was a saint somewhere in the yard.

o Boys didn't do house work because it was women's work.


o You couldn't date a boy without getting approval from your father.



o You know what lemon ice is.



o You called pasta "macaroni."



o You have at least one irrational fear or phobia that can be attributed to your mother.


B)
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tull
Capo Di Tutti Capi

* When you were growing up, you had five cousins all living on the same street
*All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather.
* If someone in your family grows beyond 5’ 7”, it’s presumed that the mother had an affair
* There were more than 28 people in your wedding party
* Your grandfather had a fig tree
* You've always wanted a red Ferrari
* When you were growing up, you ate Sunday dinner at 2:00 p.m., and on Thanksgiving, your family’s first course was Ravioli
* Your big family gatherings were held in your garage
* Your favorite movie is the “Godfather”, your favorite television show is “The Sopranos”, and your favorite singers are (in order) Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Jerry Vale, and Louis Prima
* Connie Francis songs makes you cry
* At least one person in your family does a great impression of Don Corleone
* You know all the words to “That’s Amore”
* For a short time while you were growing up, you wanted to be a priest or a nun
* Your mom's meatballs are the best!
* When you were growing up, you thought Jesus was an Italian who lived in Israel
*Your father owns 5 houses, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a 76 Monte Carlo.
*You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money, but drive a $45,000 Camaro or Firebird.
*You are a card-carrying V.I.P at more than 3 strip clubs.
* You carry your lunch in a Weston Produce bag because you can't fit 2 mortadella & mozzarella "sandwiches", 4 oranges,3 bananas, a jar of olives, a loaf of Pasta Dura and a Salami into a regular paper lunch bag.
*You always have a friend who 'owes you a favour'.
B)
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tull
Capo Di Tutti Capi

- Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all blood relatives.

- You consider dunking a cannoli in an espresso a nutritious breakfast.

- Your 2 best friends are your cousin and your brother-in-law's brother-in-law.
- Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by wearing your "Just do me" tank top to the beach.
- A high school diploma and 1 year of Nassau Community College has earned you the title of "professor" among your aunts.

- You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.

- You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.

- At some point in your life, you were a D.J

- 30 years after immigrating, your parents still say "Pronto" when answering the phone.

- You have ever been in a fight defending Sly Stallone's thespian greatness.

- Somewhere on your parents' property, there is a bathtub Madonna.
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tull
Capo Di Tutti Capi

- You're 5'4", can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you.

- You build your house with 3 materials.... brick, brick and wrought iron.

- You have at least one sister that went to Beauty School.

- Clothes from the Chess King will actually fit you.

- It is impossible for you to talk with your hands in your pockets.

- Have been to a funeral where talk of the deceased is, "He shoulda kept his big yap shut."

- If your parents refer to KFC as 'galina del vecchio.'

- If your friends come over for dinner and they leave ten pounds heavier.

- If you shave your face, and you're a girl...damn straight, you're Italian.

- If you wear high heals just to go to the corner store...not only are you an Italian, but you're a freakin' Gina, too! B)
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