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| You KNOW You're Italian, If...; a pretty comprehensive list! | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 29 2004, 11:13 AM (142 Views) | |
| tull | Jan 29 2004, 11:13 AM Post #1 |
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Capo Di Tutti Capi
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o You spent your entire childhood thinking what you ate for lunch was pronounced "sangwich." o Your family dog understood Italian. o Every Sunday afternoon of your childhood was spent visiting your grandparents and extended family. o You've experienced the phenomena of 150 people fitting into 50 square feet of yard during a family cookout. o You were surprised to discover the FDA recommends you eat three meals a day, not seven. o You ate pasta for dinner at least three times a week, and every Sunday. o You grew up thinking no fruit or vegetable had a fixed price and that the price of everything was negotiable through haggling. o You watched Lawrence Welk and Ed Sullivan every Sunday night. o You were as tall as your grandmother by the age of seven. o You thought everyone's last name ended in a vowel. o You thought nylons were supposed to be worn rolled to the ankles. o You were surprised to find out that wine was actually sold in stores. o You never ate meat on Christmas Eve or any Friday for that matter. o You ate your salad after the main course. o You thought Catholic was the only religion in the world. o You were hit at least once with a wooden spoon. o You thought every meal had to be eaten with a hunk of bread in your left hand. o You learned to play bocce before you went to school. o You can understand Italian but you can't speak it. o You have at least one relative who came over on the boat. o You grew up calling the bathroom the baccausa and you only had one. o You were surprised to learn most kitchen utensils had another name which didn't end in a vowel. o All of your uncles fought in a World War. o You have at least one relative who wore a black dress every day for an entire year after a funeral. o You have relatives who aren't really your relatives. o You have relatives you don't speak to. o You drank wine before you were a teenager. o You grew up in a house with a yard that didn't have one patch of dirt that didn't have a flower or a vegetable growing out of it. o Your grandparent's furniture was as comfortable as sitting on plastic. What!!!! You WERE sitting on plastic. o You thought that talking loud was normal. o You thought cookies and the Tarantella were common at all weddings. o You thought everyone got pinched on the cheeks and had money stuffed in their pockets by their relatives. o Your mother is overly protective of the males in the family, no matter what their age. o Every lunchmeat you ate ended in a vowel. o There was a crucifix in every room of the house, including the cellar. o There was a saint somewhere in the yard. o Boys didn't do house work because it was women's work. o You couldn't date a boy without getting approval from your father. o You know what lemon ice is. o You called pasta "macaroni." o You have at least one irrational fear or phobia that can be attributed to your mother.
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| tull | Jan 30 2004, 01:53 PM Post #2 |
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Capo Di Tutti Capi
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* When you were growing up, you had five cousins all living on the same street *All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather. * If someone in your family grows beyond 5’ 7”, it’s presumed that the mother had an affair * There were more than 28 people in your wedding party * Your grandfather had a fig tree * You've always wanted a red Ferrari * When you were growing up, you ate Sunday dinner at 2:00 p.m., and on Thanksgiving, your family’s first course was Ravioli * Your big family gatherings were held in your garage * Your favorite movie is the “Godfather”, your favorite television show is “The Sopranos”, and your favorite singers are (in order) Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Jerry Vale, and Louis Prima * Connie Francis songs makes you cry * At least one person in your family does a great impression of Don Corleone * You know all the words to “That’s Amore” * For a short time while you were growing up, you wanted to be a priest or a nun * Your mom's meatballs are the best! * When you were growing up, you thought Jesus was an Italian who lived in Israel *Your father owns 5 houses, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a 76 Monte Carlo. *You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money, but drive a $45,000 Camaro or Firebird. *You are a card-carrying V.I.P at more than 3 strip clubs. * You carry your lunch in a Weston Produce bag because you can't fit 2 mortadella & mozzarella "sandwiches", 4 oranges,3 bananas, a jar of olives, a loaf of Pasta Dura and a Salami into a regular paper lunch bag. *You always have a friend who 'owes you a favour'.
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| tull | Feb 1 2004, 03:39 PM Post #3 |
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Capo Di Tutti Capi
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- Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all blood relatives. - You consider dunking a cannoli in an espresso a nutritious breakfast. - Your 2 best friends are your cousin and your brother-in-law's brother-in-law. - Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by wearing your "Just do me" tank top to the beach. - A high school diploma and 1 year of Nassau Community College has earned you the title of "professor" among your aunts. - You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners. - You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion. - At some point in your life, you were a D.J - 30 years after immigrating, your parents still say "Pronto" when answering the phone. - You have ever been in a fight defending Sly Stallone's thespian greatness. - Somewhere on your parents' property, there is a bathtub Madonna. |
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| tull | Feb 1 2004, 08:55 PM Post #4 |
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Capo Di Tutti Capi
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- You're 5'4", can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you. - You build your house with 3 materials.... brick, brick and wrought iron. - You have at least one sister that went to Beauty School. - Clothes from the Chess King will actually fit you. - It is impossible for you to talk with your hands in your pockets. - Have been to a funeral where talk of the deceased is, "He shoulda kept his big yap shut." - If your parents refer to KFC as 'galina del vecchio.' - If your friends come over for dinner and they leave ten pounds heavier. - If you shave your face, and you're a girl...damn straight, you're Italian. - If you wear high heals just to go to the corner store...not only are you an Italian, but you're a freakin' Gina, too!
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3:39 AM Jul 11