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June 23, 2003; transcript
Topic Started: Jun 24 2003, 03:34 PM (321 Views)
NewTexas
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Governor
Admin
***********For Immediate Release***********

This is Daisy Belle Flores from the NewTexas Network News (NNN):

Today we are here NewAustin, the Corporate Headquarters of NewTexas, to talk to Big Tex about recent events.

DBF: "Buenas Tardes Big Tex! What can you tell us about the Texas Space Program today?"
Big Tex: "Well, Good Afternoon to you too Daisy Belle! Things are going just swell. After the initial outpouring of support, we have had some additional nations come forward. We are happy to acknowledge the following providers:
  • $225 million shekels + 10 thousand Special Forces troops from Skinny People
  • $10 million teragrams + general laborers from Laflin
  • $10 million in gold coins + several thousand camels from Eastern Dance
  • $5 million worth of mimosas + general laborers from AbFab (it will be hard not to drink that currency!)
And last and certainly not least, General Porfirio Diaz de Rabanito has generously donated land and labor and funding for construction of the airstrip for Lone Star 2! This is most generous especially in light of how much money was donated for the construction of this airstrip. Be aware that those additional funds will not be squandered! Our cousin Dilbert over at NewTexasBeanCounters, Inc. will be keeping track on every penny! Those funds will be used to subsidize the additional projects necessary for the project."

DBF: "So what is next Big Tex?"
Big Tex: "Well first off Daisy Belle, we need to monitor the progress of the construction of the airstrip in The Dictatorship of Rabanito (they are the second Most Subsidized Industry in Texas you know). Once we hear that it is complete, we will attempt to move Lone Star 2 to that strip. On a related note, Lone Star 1 is quite safely parked in The Free Land of Free Vodka under extremely heavy guard. After that, we still have many needs for goods and services. An extremely short list shows we still need two Astronauts and two Commanders for the shuttles. We have a great need for a centralized Ground Control Facility to coordinate both shuttles. We still need engineers, rocket scientists and many other things that a Texas-sized Space Program needs."

DBF: "Well Big Tex, thank you for the update! We are going to hurry on down to Rabanito right now to cover the story. We hear that the General is a very handsome man for a dictator. This is Daisy Belle Flores handing it over to Billy Joe Jim Bob."
Big Tex: "Bye Daisy Belle, be good!"

BJJBob: "Thanks Daisy Belle! Howdy Big Tex, how is it going on figuring out what is going on with the 'disappearing nations' dilemma facing Texas?"
Big Tex: "Well Billy Joe, short answer, no. Colonel Harley Hongos report to us that he was within visual range of The Republic of Sunndi on Saturday when there was an extreme blinding blue pulse on the horizon that left him and all his troops blind for several minutes. After recovering from the ensuing wrecks from the blindness, Colonel reports that nothing remained of Sunndi at all, just miles and miles of dirt. Our satellite surveillance tapes were somehow knocked out as well and have several minutes of dead air. Mere moments after discovering the dead air, it was discovered that The United Socialist States of JBRynders ceased to exist as well."

BJJBob: "Big Tex, this is most disturbing! How can the fine citizens of Texas feel secure with nations disappearing all around them on a daily basis?"
Big Tex: "Billy Joe, rest assured, as the fearless leader of NewTexas, we will not rest until this mystery is solved. Even as we speak we are examining the dirt over where The Nomadic Peoples of Laetus used to camp. They are trying very hard to ascertain if the "nomadic peoples" just wandered off or if they befell the same fate. Early reports seem bleak. Currently scientists are analyzing the dirt found in all the lands formerly occupied by these ex-nations."

BJJBob: "Is there a plan behind any of this? Are there unsavory forces at work in Texas? Are we under attack? What the heck Big Tex?"
Big Tex: "Keep your overalls on Jim Bob! We are working on it you hear. We currently have spies in The People's Republic of Toot and are urgently attempting to get in touch with their government forces. We are also preparing to send defensive troops to The Republic of MozartBee under the leadership of Colonel Ima Goner. These are the two nations we will be focusing all our attention on in the coming hours and days. As for whether there are unsavory forces at work in Texas, short answer, yes, but that information is classified and will be only revealed on a need-to-know basis. Things are firmly under control."

BJJBob: "But Big Tex..."
Big Tex: "Sorry Billy Joe Jim Bob, we are going to have to cut this interview short, nations to protect, enemies to spy on and all that! See ya next time... <Big Tex, exit stage left>"

BJJBob: "Well, there you have it again, Big Tex is still trying to get things under control in Texas. It is unknown what Big Tex has in mind, but we think we spotted the McLaren heading in the general direction of the new Texas nation of The Queendom of Nude Dallas... This is Billy Joe Jim Bob signing off for Daisy Belle Flores and NNN."
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