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Illusions of Love
Topic Started: Feb 17 2004, 03:58 PM (91 Views)
Andy
Member
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This is basically some thoughts of a break-up (a long one)


I was sittin' thinking,thinking about the break-up & how hard it had been,& how it is still dragging on a month later...

I wondered,after such a good relationship,where did the love go after the run-up to the break up? Did it disappear with the feelings we had for each other? Did I lose the love I had for her,did she lose the feelings she had for me? What happened to it?

Will I ever love again?


Reading through letters & postcards,it shows how much we had loved each other at the start of the relationship,but now,as we approach the summer,there will never be any love there again.

Will she be able to love again?

Thinking & thinking,all different feelings & emotions go through my mind,whether it was good thing to break up? Was it a good thing to even start a relationship? I wondered how someone so sweet & kind could be so manipulative & two-faced.

It had been the last few weeks of being in 5th year,classes were empty,most of the students were on holiday or just at home. It was early on the Thursday morning,she,my soon to be girlfriend,had a dentist appointment. As I would sit with her mate staring into space,I felt a huge amount of feelings towards my soon to be girlfriend,I wondered whether she would have the same feelings.

It was only 4 months in,I realised she had a boyfriend a week earlier,it was a disappointment,that she had picked me as her "rebound guy". I felt used,but still had some of the feelings there for her.Was I to act upon it or just leave it up to fate,whether we should be together for the next 3 months,& in January/December my mind was made up.

I had decided after many sleepless nights,many conversations with close mates,what to do.
The decision came as a shock that it was the end.For both of us. Love wasn't even in the picture,it was just silent background noise,as many found out,the looks came about. Angry,disappointed & sad looks being directed at me,looking for a way out...the month later (February-Present)...I had found that she had used me,more than I already knew.
Suddenly,I became angry,I grabbed everything she had ever given me,stuffed it in a bag,next morning,took it to school so I could hand it back,with a message which would have been "I had never felt so used in my entire life,& now i know that I could never,never ever possibly love you,& friends wasn't even an option or even a consideration."

The feelings towards her now are completley hidden in the shadows. The mension of her name,the image of her face in the morning,as I walk into registration,fills me,fills me with rage & angst...My one love,turned out to be a none love,my feelings & love for her had never meant a thing,and so,I sit feeling a sense of relief that someone,somewhere must feel feelings which are real & not fake.

I've finally found the love,but whether it will last,is just another question going through my mind...But will I find the answer,only fate knows,& here's hoping that the answer is yes.

-Illusions of love-J. A. Bonner
>:)
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Andy
Member
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Air Supply "Lost in Love" goes well with this piece
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