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Who pays?; A question for the guys
Topic Started: Mar 29 2008, 09:21 AM (715 Views)
Data's Cat's Sister
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Commodore
I have a question for the menfolk of Sistertrek.

When you take a girl out on a date, lets say for a meal or for some sort of activity like seeing a film or bowling, who would you expect to pay?

My own view is that there is sort of a curve rule. I would expect to go fifty fifty on most things for the initial dates as you were getting to know each other. I think as most women work now, this is only fair.

The exception I see to this is when you have been going out a while and the guy wants to do more expensive things like fancy restaurants and trips away which perhaps the women can't afford.

I ask because on the dates I've been on recently the men have been almost offended when I've tried to pay my share. It's got so bad that I've often had to let them pay.

Do men still feel that they have to pay and if so do you think that is proper or fair?
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rowskid86
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Suck my Spock
on a first Date for me it's usually we each pay our own. because it's usually Bowling, or a coffee house.

On the second Date, depending on what it is I'll pay.
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Sgt. Jaggs
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How about a Voyager Movie
Data's Cat's Sister
Mar 29 2008, 09:21 AM
I have a question for the menfolk of Sistertrek.

When you take a girl out on a date, lets say for a meal or for some sort of activity like seeing a film or bowling, who would you expect to pay?

My own view is that there is sort of a curve rule. I would expect to go fifty fifty on most things for the initial dates as you were getting to know each other. I think as most women work now, this is only fair.

The exception I see to this is when you have been going out a while and the guy wants to do more expensive things like fancy restaurants and trips away which perhaps the women can't afford.

I ask because on the dates I've been on recently the men have been almost offended when I've tried to pay my share. It's got so bad that I've often had to let them pay.

Do men still feel that they have to pay and if so do you think that is proper or fair?

You silly goose! :o You have to let the Man pay. :) You then give him a big good night hug and thank him for the lovely thinks he provided for you guys that night.

He then can feel good about himself and go on with his week feeling like a man.
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STC
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Commodore
Data's Cat's Sister
Mar 29 2008, 02:21 PM
I have a question for the menfolk of Sistertrek.

When you take a girl out on a date, lets say for a meal or for some sort of activity like seeing a film or bowling, who would you expect to pay?

My own view is that there is sort of a curve rule. I would expect to go fifty fifty on most things for the initial dates as you were getting to know each other. I think as most women work now, this is only fair.

The exception I see to this is when you have been going out a while and the guy wants to do more expensive things like fancy restaurants and trips away which perhaps the women can't afford.

I ask because on the dates I've been on recently the men have been almost offended when I've tried to pay my share. It's got so bad that I've often had to let them pay.

Do men still feel that they have to pay and if so do you think that is proper or fair?

In the first instance, I offer to pay, I'm just like that. But if the girl offers to pay 50-50 that is equally good. If she want to pay, lucky me :D! Though I'm maybe a little bit old fashioned on that and I'd at least try to chip in my share.

After the first date though, I would expect her to chip in 50-50, or based on what she (or I) can afford, depending on our incomes.

In terms of doing more expensive things, I find your comment about the guy wanting to do more expensive things which the women can't afford, interesting. Why that way around? ;)

In general terms of the point above, if we want to do more expensive stuff and I'm on the higher income, then I'll pay. But equally, if she's earning more than me and she want to do more expensive stuff and pay, I'm just as comfortable with that.

As to your own experience about the men getting offended, well that's just silly and also I think it's disrespectful of you, so you've probably done well to move on from them. :)
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Intrepid2002
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UNGH!
Okay this might sound really old fashioned but don't men "woo" women anymore? I know, I know.... off base Intrepid. It's the 21st century. Nevermind. But to me, there's nothing like a romance killer when you split the bill at the end of the night.

Am I wrong to assume that whoever "invites" the person out, pays?

This gender thingy really throws everything off, doesn't it? If you were out with a bunch of girlfriends, you'd think nothing of everyone going dutch. Is it the same when you're out with your guyfriends?

Dates anymore run on an average of $100 per? Yes?

Anyway, continue. Interesting reading here.
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Data's Cat's Sister
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Commodore
Hmm what interesting responses.

Rowskid, good for you.

Jag, you make me smile. :lol:

STC, I guess that because I date older men they tend to make more then I do so I guess that's why I raised that example.

Intrepid, I see where you are coming from on the wooing part. But for me it kind of feels like it makes you obligated in some way, if the man pays.
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Hoss
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Don't make me use my bare hands on you.
It seems like the way it is is that the woman dolls herself up and the guy pays. Pretty symbolic of what the basic interests of the two are.

I have been married for over 11 years, but if I were to have a date, I'd be paying and wouldn't feel that that obligates the date to any action.

Here's a stupid question: what do gays do?
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captain_proton_au
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A Robot in Disguise

Ditto what Jag said, better for the male ego if the guy pays, especially early on
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Data's Cat's Sister
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Commodore
Really? Really, really?

I think if I was a man I'd feel a bit resentful that I was always expected to pay.
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Intrepid2002
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UNGH!
This is what I would do.

As in all situations, you play it by ear. It would be difficult to draw a line and say this, this and this is what should be done. Most of the brothers have chimed in and it would seem that most are willing to pay for the date. It must be a societal thing where we independent, working, single women must feed the ego of a would be suitor. Even if we make as much or more than they do. Well at least on the first date. :angel: ;) Let's not deny it, we're doing the mating dance here, and unless you are 100% confident that your actions will bring forth the desired response from him, play the game. In the beginning at least.

One thing you've got to keep in mind is to never let yourself feel "obligated" to do anything if it be over a cup of coffee or a diamond ring. Never let yourself get into that mindset because believe me, some people use that trip like they use toilet paper. Men AND women.

Let him pay for the first two dates or so. If you two hit it on and it seems like you both want to see each other again... then the next time, you take the initiative. Give him a call and say, "Hi... what are you doing Saturday night, I just happen to get two tickets to the hockey game, the movies, an art exhibit, etc. etc. Would you like to come with me?" Based on that yes or no, some of the financial responsibility is off his shoulders and if he wants, maybe the coffee or beer in on him after the show.

If it goes further than that, then start offering your half or whatever your budget allows you. Hopefully by this time, you guys won't mind watching a movie at home or making a nice home cooked meal to cut corners. Don't worry too much about the "rules" of dating. It takes the fun out of it. Just remember not to let yourself feel pressured or obligated in any way by any man to do something you are not comfortable doing.

Always have an exit strategy... just in case. ;) Now go have some fun Sister Cat.
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STC
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Data's Cat's Sister
Mar 30 2008, 04:30 PM
Really? Really, really?

I think if I was a man I'd feel a bit resentful that I was always expected to pay.

Oh if I could find a girl from royalty or something like that, who always paid, my ego would be through the stratosphere! :D ;)

Intrepid2002
 
...where we independent, working, single women must feed the ego of a would be suitor.


No, not in my world :)
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Intrepid2002
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UNGH!
STC
Mar 30 2008, 02:44 PM


Intrepid2002
 
...where we independent, working, single women must feed the ego of a would be suitor.


No, not in my world :)

Well then STC my dear.... go put your dancing shoes on. My treat. :lol:
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STC
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Commodore
Intrepid2002
Mar 30 2008, 09:46 PM
STC
Mar 30 2008, 02:44 PM


Intrepid2002
 
...where we independent, working, single women must feed the ego of a would be suitor.


No, not in my world :)

Well then STC my dear.... go put your dancing shoes on. My treat. :lol:

You're on! :yes:

That does include the flight out to Pittsburgh, doesn't it?
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Intrepid2002
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UNGH!
STC
Mar 30 2008, 06:13 PM
Intrepid2002
Mar 30 2008, 09:46 PM
STC
Mar 30 2008, 02:44 PM


Intrepid2002
 
...where we independent, working, single women must feed the ego of a would be suitor.


No, not in my world :)

Well then STC my dear.... go put your dancing shoes on. My treat. :lol:

You're on! :yes:

That does include the flight out to Pittsburgh, doesn't it?

A flight?


Hold on, let me check my wallet. :headscratch:


Will a canoe and two paddles do? :shrug:


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Dandandat
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Time to put something here
It may just be the small part of the world I live in, but it has been my experience that girls and woman expect to be paid for when on a date, in fact if they aren't it is a bad mark on the man to the point where he is thought of as a loser and is shunned by all the woman who are close enough to the original woman to hear the story of the date.

Resent is not the correct word as it doesn’t make me angry, but I always found the above to be odd in the face of equality. Its nice to hear that the woman who have participated in this thread have said they don’t expect to be paid for. This could go for other things as well besides being paid for, like holding doors, walking on the dangerous side of the side walk :). Ect ect, if equality is truly to be had none of this should mater.

Also to be fair to the woman where I live, its not that they are cheep or looking for a free ride. After a relationship is going for a while they will start to chip in their fair share. Its really just the starting of the process that they expect to be wooed, as intrepid suggested; they must see it as a way to judge the man they are dating.

As for paying a bill, it doesn’t bother me. I'm the type of person who insists on picking up the tab in many situations not just dating.
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