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MAN LAWS
Topic Started: Nov 10 2007, 12:37 AM (460 Views)
Intrepid2002
Member Avatar
UNGH!
Rebuttal in italics.



We always hear "the rules" from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" On Purpose!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

We don't expect you to be, just catch on to the obvious.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Just watch your aim. We don't mind the seat up, its the mess all over the floor we hate.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Limit it to Sundays and the occacional hockey game two or three times a week and we'll be fine.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

You hunt , we gather. Deal with it.

1. Crying is blackmail.

No, crying is like farting, just happens, like it or not.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

Why? You can't catch on to subtlety? So instead of saying something like "Oh it's Valentines Day on Friday," we should say "Instead of being an unromantic prick this year go buy me something decent" ?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Unless you are the one asking the question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

WTF(ranko)? ;) Have you no empathy?. You're supposed to be our best friends but we can't discuss a problem with you?

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

There's nothing a good pair of heels can't fix.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

So do we but we don't half undress and adjust ourselves in front of others, its just bad manners. Besides, if it is something constant, they make creams for that.

1. When we have to go somewhere in a hurry,
absolutely anything you wear is fine. REALLY!

So the Victoria's Secret analogy means nothing.

1. You have enough clothes.

Not possible.

1. You have too many shoes.

Don't even go there.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

No, thank you.



Because I'm the Mama, that's why.



:Fes: :lol:
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Mel
Member Avatar
Coffee Lover
Intrepid2002
Nov 12 2007, 10:52 PM
Rebuttal in italics.



We always hear "the rules" from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" On Purpose!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

We don't expect you to be, just catch on to the obvious.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Just watch your aim. We don't mind the seat up, its the mess all over the floor we hate.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Limit it to Sundays and the occacional hockey game two or three times a week and we'll be fine.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

You hunt , we gather. Deal with it.

1. Crying is blackmail.

No, crying is like farting, just happens, like it or not.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

Why? You can't catch on to subtlety? So instead of saying something like "Oh it's Valentines Day on Friday," we should say "Instead of being an unromantic prick this year go buy me something decent" ?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Unless you are the one asking the question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

WTF(ranko)? ;) Have you no empathy?. You're supposed to be our best friends but we can't discuss a problem with you?

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

There's nothing a good pair of heels can't fix.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

So do we but we don't half undress and adjust ourselves in front of others, its just bad manners. Besides, if it is something constant, they make creams for that.

1. When we have to go somewhere in a hurry,
absolutely anything you wear is fine. REALLY!

So the Victoria's Secret analogy means nothing.

1. You have enough clothes.

Not possible.

1. You have too many shoes.

Don't even go there.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

No, thank you.



Because I'm the Mama, that's why.



:Fes: :lol:

You're my hero, Sister! :hug:
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Minuet
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Fleet Admiral Assistant wRench, Chief Supper Officer
:rotfl:
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Hoss
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Don't make me use my bare hands on you.
The stupid toilet lid cover cozy thing. I don't get why women love those so much. All it does is make it so that the seat won't stay up because it is too fluffy and the seat won't go all the way up. So, i am standing there, peeing with the seat up like a good boy and WHAM!, the seat comes down. GRRRRR! When i see the toilet lid cozy, i generally take it off and go hide it. Don't inflict these upon men, unless, of course, you don't mind if we just pee all over the seat. :lol:

And yes, it is possible to have enough clothes and shoes. Now tools, that's another thing all together. ;)
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Vice Fleet Admiral Andrew Scott
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Fleet Security | Personnel | Commander of StarBase 52
Dandandat
Nov 10 2007, 01:37 AM
We always hear "the rules" from the female side.


Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" On Purpose!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.


1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.



1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing is wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere in a hurry,
absolutely anything you wear is fine. REALLY!

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!



1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Bravo Bravo, I agree.


Col. Andrew Scott
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