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MAN LAWS
Topic Started: Nov 10 2007, 12:37 AM (459 Views)
Dandandat
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Time to put something here
We always hear "the rules" from the female side.


Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" On Purpose!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.


1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.



1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing is wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere in a hurry,
absolutely anything you wear is fine. REALLY!

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!



1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
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Spanky
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Insanely Handsome Guy
:rotfl:

There are quite a few rules I disagree with tho. :lol:
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Franko
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Shower Moderator


Wipe that smirk off your face, Franko.... :whistle:


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somerled
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Admiral MacDonald RN
I would add :

- if you are horny and want some sex , it's OK for YOU to take the initiative if we don't notice or are asleep.

- If we look at other women and girls , hey we are married or shacked up with you , that does not mean we are now dead.

- "Window shopping" is perfectly OK for husbands and boyfriends (see above).

- Don't expect us to love your family.

- When it comes to the remotes (TV, DVD, Video and Aircon and other important stuff like that) , yes , they are OURS !!!!

- Do not EVER borrow your man's Tee-shirt , if you do , he wont want it back.

- It's OK for you to mow the lawn if you think it needs it.

- It's OK for you to tidy up in the garden if you think it needs it.

- If you are too tired , or other wize "grumpy" , to go shopping and send us , don't complaign if we buy extra stuff that's not on the list , if you don't want the extra unlisted stuff bought , YOU DO THE SHOPPING THEN.

- The shed / garage is OUT OF BOUNDS , NEVER EVER attempt to tidy it up , that mess in there is organised , WE KNOW where EVERYTHING IS in there.

- Don't expect us to remember silly things like the mums' and dads' birthdays and anniversaries , your siblings' birthdays and anniversaries , and the non-essential things like that , that's what you are good at , so remind us if think these are important.

- Don't go fishing for compliments , it doesn't work with most of us .

- if you change sometthing that is not real obvious , and want us to notice , for christ's sake , just tell us what you've changed and ask us what we think about it , BTW you might not like the answer you get.

- If you must invite the girls over , pick a time when we are out , and there is nothing on the TV that we want to see.

- Don't expect us to become something different just because you think we are not romantic enough or not as perfect as the pretty boys on TV.



- It takes two to make a marriage work .
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Dr. Noah
Sistertrek's Asian Correspondant
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

This one in my personal favorite. It's somewhat related to the first one, but it's my biggest complaint.
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Dandandat
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Time to put something here
Dr. Noah
Nov 10 2007, 11:04 PM
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

This one in my personal favorite. It's somewhat related to the first one, but it's my biggest complaint.

I like this one


1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.


If my wife is already mad at me, there no point playing the "what's wrong" game. I just wait until she's good and ready to get it off her chest. Ether way I'm in the dog house, but at lest I keep my sanity.

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captain_proton_au
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A Robot in Disguise

Quote:
 

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.



Ha! :lol:




Quote:
 

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.



I never understood the sitting on the toilet without looking at it first thing


(While we are on the subject, who the hell are these people that use public toilets but dont flush? (Translation for Trep ($$='Proton'; setChing(ka)): Number Toosies))





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Intrepid2002
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UNGH!
Dandandat
Nov 10 2007, 12:37 AM


1. You have too many shoes.


Did you know that statement could be intepreted as a declaration of war in other countries and even some households here in the United States?


How was the couch?
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Intrepid2002
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UNGH!
captain_proton_au
Nov 11 2007, 03:25 AM



I never understood the sitting on the toilet without looking at it first thing


(While we are on the subject, who the hell are these people that use public toilets but dont flush? (Translation for Trep ($$='Proton'; setChing(ka)): Number Toosies))

:loling: *cough* *choke* :loling:

Oh Protonski, my little halushki.


Okay, I'll give you guys that one. Let's make it a rule. Woman or not, look before you sit on the pot.
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Wichita
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The Adminstrator wRench
Actually, quite a few of those rules, I agree with as well.

Maybe that's why I was allowed allowed to sit with the guys when the family went to pro-football games and the rest of the women were sent to the other group of seats. :D

95% of the time, the seat up or down issue doesn't bother me - a couple of near sleep walking incidents have brought me to near disater however.

Therefore a request for clarification:

Would you rather just put the seat down or have to get up to rescue the woman in your life when her butt is in the toliet at 3 am, she can't get out and she's screaming her head off?

(And do so without laughing?)

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Yo-Yo
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Captain
:rotfl:
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somerled
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Admiral MacDonald RN
Intrepid2002
Nov 12 2007, 01:34 AM
captain_proton_au
Nov 11 2007, 03:25 AM



I never understood the sitting on the toilet without looking at it first thing


(While we are on the subject, who the hell are these people that use public toilets but dont flush? (Translation for Trep ($$='Proton'; setChing(ka)): Number Toosies))

:loling: *cough* *choke* :loling:

Oh Protonski, my little halushki.


Okay, I'll give you guys that one. Let's make it a rule. Woman or not, look before you sit on the pot.

It actually payes to check under the seat and around it before assuming the seated position in many toilets I've seen out the back of beyond , there might be nasty (bitey) critters lurking there .... you've heard the term Red Back under the toilet seat .... I've seen them , and other spiders too like big nasty huntsmen and wolf spiders , and scorpions , and wasp nests , and even the odd occasional snake (get bit on bum or a dangely bit bit by a black snake , or a brown snake (worse) and you will have a very bad day (or nasty last day alive if you can't get to medical treatment quick enough)) and many of said outback toilets a very long way from the nearest hospital or anything else.



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somerled
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Admiral MacDonald RN
Wichita
Nov 12 2007, 11:04 AM
Actually, quite a few of those rules, I agree with as well.

Maybe that's why I was allowed allowed to sit with the guys when the family went to pro-football games and the rest of the women were sent to the other group of seats. :D

95% of the time, the seat up or down issue doesn't bother me - a couple of near sleep walking incidents have brought me to near disater however.

Therefore a request for clarification:

Would you rather just put the seat down or have to get up to rescue the woman in your life when her butt is in the toliet at 3 am, she can't get out and she's screaming her head off?

(And do so without laughing?)

Nah .... I think I would just pretend to be asleep and let her sort her own mess out.

How done one get their butt stuck in the toilet bowl by the way ?
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Franko
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Shower Moderator
Quote:
 
Would you rather just put the seat down or have to get up to rescue the woman in your life when her butt is in the toliet at 3 am, she can't get out and she's screaming her head off?

(And do so without laughing?)



I'd probably say, "How's the water, darling?".


:lol:


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Dandandat
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Time to put something here
Franko
Nov 12 2007, 05:03 AM
Quote:
 
Would you rather just put the seat down or have to get up to rescue the woman in your life when her butt is in the toliet at 3 am, she can't get out and she's screaming her head off?

(And do so without laughing?)



I'd probably say, "How's the water, darling?".


:lol:

I would laugh and laugh and then laugh some more; then have her beg me for help and say she is sorry for braking all the other rules on the list, and then help her out.


And then run as fast as I can to join the army.
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