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How to give a cat a pill
Topic Started: Dec 7 2004, 06:14 PM (468 Views)
24thcenstfan
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Something Wicked This Fae Comes
This list is courtesy of emtb319 over at st.com. I got such a kick out of it, I wanted to post it here.
*********

Subject: How to give a cat a pill!

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt
away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air
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Sophie
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Keeper of the spider-cats
:loling:


an easier way to give a cat a pill is to put the pill on its tongue, close the mouth and blow gently on the cat's nose, which will make the cat swallow (hopefully)

Did you know that if you rub the nose of the dog vigorously it releases endorphins which make the dog happy?
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Hoss
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Don't make me use my bare hands on you.
Quote:
 
Did you know that if you rub the nose of the dog vigorously it releases endorphins which make the dog happy?

How did you find that out? Did you know that if you rub a human vigorously on the... never mind.
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Sophie
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Keeper of the spider-cats
38957
Dec 7 2004, 06:23 PM
Quote:
 
Did you know that if you rub the nose of the dog vigorously it releases endorphins which make the dog happy?

How did you find that out?

Either in my General Psychology or World Religions class I took over the summer....not really sure which one :shrug: :headscratch:
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24thcenstfan
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Something Wicked This Fae Comes
38957
Dec 7 2004, 07:23 PM
Did you know that if you rub a human vigorously on the... never mind.

:loling:
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cptjeff
Captain of the Enterprise-J
How true. although, in our house, it's about as hard to give a pill to our dogs...

the best way is wet cat food right after the pill...
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Minuet
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Fleet Admiral Assistant wRench, Chief Supper Officer
:loling: :loling: :loling:

Cptjeff - try the bacon trick. Or, since I am Jewish and never have bacon in the house, we always used cheese. Dogs love it.
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somerled
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Admiral MacDonald RN
Wrap the cat in towel , so it can't hook you with it's claws , grab hold of the back of it's head , firmly, pry it's mouth open and shove the pill into the back of it's mouth with your fingers, into it's throat , hold the cat's mouth shut for about 20 seconds - it'll swallow the pill.

This works only once , maybe twice and the cat wont like it, but if you give the cat a feed straight away it'll probably forgive you.
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Sophie
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Keeper of the spider-cats
somerled
Dec 7 2004, 09:45 PM
This works only once , maybe twice

Unless its a really dumb cat or a patient cat.
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Hoss
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Don't make me use my bare hands on you.
Minuet
Dec 7 2004, 10:20 PM
:loling:  :loling:  :loling:

Cptjeff - try the bacon trick. Or, since I am Jewish and never have bacon in the house, we always used cheese. Dogs love it.

Is your cat jewish too? :lol:

The best solution is to not have a cat.

I give a beagle a pill twice a day. I pry open his mouth, stick the pill in the back of his throat with my finger, close his yap, hold his nose in the air till he swallows. Works every time. I never get bitten or anything as the dog knows who is in command and will not challenge my dominance. That is the wonderful thing about dogs, we have bred them to be submissive to us.
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captain_proton_au
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A Robot in Disguise

38957
Dec 7 2004, 07:23 PM
Quote:
 
Did you know that if you rub the nose of the dog vigorously it releases endorphins which make the dog happy?

How did you find that out?

Trial and error? :shrug: ;)










Back on Topic: LOl, The first time I had to give mine some worming paste ( one of those dispensers they also use for epoxy) I barely came out of the experience alive, man my cat has sharp claws!, it must have tasted disgusting as he had a rather violent reaction to the taste.

I then tried mixing it with his usual cat food, that didnt work, so I went out and brought the most expensive cat food I could find and mixed it in with that, finally success
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Wichita
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The Adminstrator wRench
I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

I have a cat. I understand.

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Fesarius
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Admiral
Quote:
 
The best solution is to not have a cat.

38957,

But that position won't win you any popularity contests! ;)
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captain_proton_au
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A Robot in Disguise

24thcenstfan
Dec 7 2004, 06:14 PM

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air

:loling:

LOL, I didnt see that end part the first time around



So , ahem, Dogs are from Mars, Cats are from Venus ;) :P
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Fesarius
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Admiral
^^^
Yep. :)
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