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Loneliness; The search for love continues
Topic Started: Nov 25 2004, 02:21 PM (754 Views)
digifan2004
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Electronic genius
It had just struck me. :spank: In less than a week I will hit the big 4-0. I have yet to find someone special to share my life with.

Ever since my first love, Sandy, died twenty two years ago come December 30th, I had yet to find someone to replace her.

Could fate be this cruel? Will I ever going to find happiness again? Please help me.

Note - This is a very important subject to me so no jokes please. Thanks. :kiss:
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Minuet
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Fleet Admiral Assistant wRench, Chief Supper Officer
Maybe you have been looking in the wrong places or setting unrealistic expectations.

To me the clue lies in losing someone special at such a young age. Could you be idealizing Sandy to the point that no one else could attain such perfection? 18 is such a pivotal age - just on the brink of "real" adulthood. Being out on one's own for the first time. It is a wonderful age where one can still see the potential out in the world and have not yet been beaten down by real life.

I could be wrong - but I bet you compare the women you meet to Sandy. They will never, and can never, measure up. You need to start living in the present - not the past. Don't make comparisons. That's the best advice I can give you for now.

Good luck - I am sure there is someone out there if you look in the right places. I married the brother of a bowling buddy. You never know where someone is hiding. :yes:
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Intrepid2002
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UNGH!
This is going to sound cliche but here goes:

I truly believe that there is a time/reason for everything.

How about changing your "thought parameters" (that sounds so trek, doesn't it?) and let love find you instead. Less stressful don't you think? :)

And by the way, I think being 40 has nothing to do with anything. :) Like I said, there's a reason for everything.

I, too, wish you luck and advanced Happy Birthday! :)
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8247
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Apparently we look like this now
I can understand your predicament. No one will match up to your wife because you were in love, and lost her while things were good. I find myself in the same predicament but exactly the opposite reasons. I've been in 3 serious relationships...an ex girlfriend, an ex wife, and most recently, an ex fiance. I find my standards get much higher each time I get burned. After my last one, it will take a miracle to find someone who I consider to be better. That may not seem fair, but thats the way I feel. Its all about walls. You...and I need to find ways to break down them, and not hold someone new responsible for what happened in the past. Its a hard thing to, but we both need to do it.
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Swidden
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Adm. Gadfly-at-large; Provisional wRench-fly at large
Digifan, I think it is very important not to rule out possibilities. I think others above have made some very valuable comments, so of course I going to add my two cents worth. I had parents that were older than most of my friends parents growing up, my father was in his late 40's when I was born and Mom was in her late 30's. They had been married for little over a year when I came along. Both had been career minded for a very long time (unusual at the time for someone like Mom). Their example showed me that I did not have to rush things. So, when my wife came into my life I did not "feel" any pressure to steer the relationship in any one direction. Before she came along (even though I had known her since we were kids, the beauty of a smally town environment) I would wonder sometimes if I would be as fortunate as most of my friends had been (some of whom are now working on their second marriages) or if I would end up "going it alone". I did resolve to keep an open mind and an optimistic outlook. It may sound too easy to say, but I am quite sincere when I recommend that you be careful not to put too much pressure on yourself. Let life happen and keep your eyes open for the opportunities and/or possibilities that will surely come your way. When they do, make the most of them...
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somerled
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Admiral MacDonald RN
Take up some kind of formal dancing - you'll meet people there while learning and form lots of new friendships (outside the your circle of friends and associates that you are currently mixing with and who are probably a handicap) and perhaps meet someone special there.

It worked for me (I've been married for 23 years and met my wife at square dancing) , and I know lots of people who met through scottish, ballroom, round , line and square dancing.

The night club or bar scene is a waste of time, most single ladies there are either of dubious morality, or despirately manhunting, or simply damaged goods.

Where as if take up some kind of formal dancing you'll probably meet ladies who fit and smart and more importantly in situation where there is no pressure and everyone is friendly. And you'll actually be able to hear them when they are talking with you without the need to YELL.
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digifan2004
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Electronic genius
Thanks for the words of encouragement, my friends. :) That is precisely what I needed to hear. Don't you wish at times like these there is a real thing called the Book of Love written by the Goddess of Love herself? Just like rasing chilldren there is no written instructions to consult.

I suppose the best way I can approach this is to endorge myself in my passion - Writing stories. Who knows? It may even be enough to motivate me to join a book club and meet someone special in this fashion.

The search continues... :news:
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A book club sounds good, i would go for it if i were you. Good luck!
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Minuet
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Best of luck. A book club sounds like a terrific idea!

Just remember to take any woman you meet on thier own merits and don't compare to them an idealized past.
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digifan2004
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I usually don't do that anyway.

I confess I do meet women. Some of them are downright obnoxious but most of them are quite interestingly charming.

I admit I am very shy therefore I don't do a lot of socializing. :blush: I found writing stories to reflect my feelings is the best way to express myself.

NTL the search continues. Stay tune. :yes:
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captain_proton_au
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A Robot in Disguise

Can I ask, what happened to Sandy?
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digifan2004
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Sure. I guess she won't mind letting me tell the story. Sandy was my childhood sweetheart. Posted Image I met her shortly after my family moved to Canada. We began a whirlwind relationship shortly after we entered high school together. She was one of the few people who actually understood my unique ways of doing things. She reminded me a lot of my grandpa - A wise and very caring man. AAR we went out on a steady basis until our senior high school year back in 1982. I had just turned eighteen and I asked her to marry me. I was overjoy when she said yes. We were planning to annouce our engagement to our families at Christmas with an intention to marry within a year when she was struck down by a DUI. My Sandy slip into a coma and died December 30th.

After her funeral I slipped into a very dangerous and deep depression. I blamed myself for causing her death. Mind you at the time I didn't have a car to drive her home. We parted at the bus stop one block from her house. I came close to committing suicide three times before I got some much needed counselling and psychological help. It was during these sessions that I started to realize even if I was with her there was no way I could of prevent her untimely death.

I loved Sandy. Her memories and the brief time we had together continue to live in my stories. Every now and then I still dream about her and talk with her. Sandy, along with my grandpa are my guardian angels. It is through them I create the universe in my stories.

I am not sure but I have a feeling she is telling me it's time I start sharing our brief joyful time together with the rest of the world

:woohoo:

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captain_proton_au
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A Robot in Disguise

Hmmmm, that sounds like a hard time to have to go through, my condolensces

We've had a spate of bad accidents invloving young people lately, as a result of speed or drink driving. There was a very sad one last week when a 19yr old took out his dads car without him knowing, all three in the car died, one was a pregnant 15 yr old, a waste to die at that age
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somerled
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Admiral MacDonald RN
digifan2004
Nov 26 2004, 12:17 PM
I usually don't do that anyway.

I confess I do meet women. Some of them are downright obnoxious but most of them are quite interestingly charming.

I admit I am very shy therefore I don't do a lot of socializing. :blush: I found writing stories to reflect my feelings is the best way to express myself.

NTL the search continues. Stay tune. :yes:

Well then dancing is for you - it'll force you to mix and you may well become very UNSHY as a result.

It worked for me.
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somerled
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Admiral MacDonald RN
captain_proton_au
Nov 26 2004, 10:57 PM
Hmmmm, that sounds like a hard time to have to go through, my condolensces

We've had a spate of bad accidents invloving young people lately, as a result of speed or drink driving. There was a very sad one last week when a 19yr old took out his dads car without him knowing, all three in the car died, one was a pregnant 15 yr old, a waste to die at that age

Yep - I heard and could see the hoons drag racing along Wharf road (across the water), doing burn-outs and tossing doenuts, all night last night (well from midnight when I turned up at Stockton Wall), these kids are just plain stupid and have absolutely no regard for the law, or anyone else's safety on the road and were at right up to about an hour before the dawn). It must be hell for the residents of Newcastle (Parnell Place, and near Ft Scratchleys, and Honeysuckle) as these cretins are at it everynight , but especially Wednesday thro Sunday nights.

It's not the first time ,and one reason why I have tended to fish over the Stockton side of the harbour in last few years, I've had too many near misses and seen too many of these guys becoming agressive and actually using their vehicles - or stolen or borrowed vehicles as weapons to settle arguments.

Something has to be to curtail the antisocial and stupid and dangerous behaviour of these cretins - and that's what they are - CRETINS.
If they kill themselves - then that's fine , we don't need their contribution to the genepool - so long as they don't kill innocents in the process (which they so often do.)

I believe that a ONE STRIKE YOU'RE OUT policy has be applied with these people (and it's not just guys), the police have got to get tough with them and confiscate there vehicles and cancel their drivers' licences when they are caught acting suspiciuously (or reported by the public) and if they are then found behind the wheel afterwards - put them in prison. The law is not near enough tough enough on this.
They should - I think be banned from driving fast powerful cars and perhaps the age when they can get their P's moved to their 21st birthday when - hopefully they will be a mature enough, and they must not be allowed to drive these vehicles with more than 1200 CC engine capacities while on their P's , or have more than one passenger onboard.
A curfew might also be useful - and their vehicle impounded if they are caught driving in the curfew unless it is work associated - a special licence should be introduced to get around this for those who are driving to earn a living.
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