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Worst Analogies Ever Written in High School; From Paul Merton, via Michelle Malkin
Topic Started: Dec 11 2005, 10:25 PM (87 Views)
Seoul Survivor
Thanks Jay!
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Worst analogies ever written in a high school essay

* He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
Joseph Romm, Washington

* She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station

* The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
Russell Beland, Springfield

* McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring

* From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Roy Ashley, Washington

* Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

* Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
Russell Beland, Springfield

* Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake
Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills

* Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
Unknown

* He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
Jack Bross, Chevy Chase

* The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring

* Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
Russell Beland, Springfield

* Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
Jennifer Hart, Arlington

* The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.

* They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth
Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.

* John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
Russell Beland, Springfield

* The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria

* His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free
Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

* The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
Unknown

Based on an unoriginal article in the Washington Post.

//Seoul
comment: Edwin, are you paying attention?
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Michyu Girl
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Don't test me.
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:D I wish I were creative like that in English class. Would've made writing papers more fun~!

Boring analogies suck. XDDD
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You can be so open minded that your brain falls out.

'Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church. The blood and dirt on his feet might stain the carpet.
Finally, someone tells the truth.

Banner credits to Kimmy37.
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Angus Mac
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Resident Watchdog
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Those are some creative analogies, except you know, like, whatever.
Woof!
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Angel
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C_Beyond ((chunsa oppa))
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these analogies were as interesting as vic is grinchy
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Seoul Survivor
Thanks Jay!
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Angel
Dec 12 2005, 02:16 PM
these analogies were as interesting as vic is grinchy

I'm buffing your lump of coal, right now!

//Seoul
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Angel
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C_Beyond ((chunsa oppa))
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hey! only hyori can buff my coal!

and i get to stuff her stocking!

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Seoul Survivor
Thanks Jay!
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Angel
Dec 13 2005, 06:10 AM
hey! only hyori can buff my coal!

and i get to stuff her stocking!


Uh-huh.
Then the alarm goes off, and you awaken, and slog off to the salt mines, once more.

//Seoul
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Angel
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C_Beyond ((chunsa oppa))
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*hits snooze bar*
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