Lazarus

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Lazarus; {x} Shim Changmin&Kim JaeJoong
Topic Started: Jan 15 2005, 04:27 PM (320 Views)
solip__x3jjCM	Jan 15 2005, 04:27 PM Post #1
be my lazarus song Posts: 2,781 Group: Member Member #1,314 Joined: December 6, 2003	Posted Image lazarus;prolouge Wouldn't it be convenient to have your life taped? So you can reminisce and slide the sleek black tape into your prized VCR to watch the moments of your life that you missed? To rant over your life choices or sulk in your regret? To cry to laugh to love to feel to remember? You could have total control. You could play. Pause. Stop. Rewind. Fast forward. My tape would have smooth black sides and a crisp white label, with a brazen sharpie marker scribble on the side stating OUR LIFE TOGETHER. The remote would be mangled. The numbers would be faded off from overuse and some of the buttons would be stuck from the accidental spills of sticky carbonated drinks or being dropped one to many times. It would be held together with duck tape, for the back to the batteries had been lost years ago. Everything else could be ugly accept for the videotape. That was beautiful. Posted Image Fast forward. Stop. Play. + Ki SoLip's POV// 11.15 17 years old You rush into the sterile room and I forgot and I fell in love with you all over again. (is it possible to love more than one--) Your hair looks windblown, the smooth chocolate locks are in disarray and you don't move to flick it out of your eyes like you usually did. Your mouth is opening and closing in a speechless manner. I notice even from the distance that you were shaking. Are you cold? Worry sparks like fire in my veins. I could see that the front of your shirt was drenched. Is your soul crying? When my eyes connect with yours I gasped and my heart constricts in my chest. Your normally expressive eyes were dead. They are wide and I could see through them into your soul like I always could. But all I could see now was a gaping hole where your heart should have been. "Why didn't you tell me....?" What? Your voice is hoarse. As if you had screamed earlier. ((like how I had screamed when he--)) God, you are beautiful. ((I've known many beautiful men, you, and another now clothed in blood and white)) You take a step forward with your beautiful empty eyes and empty soul. I cringe, expecting you to yell and fight with me again. I prayed you didn't, because my bleeding heart wouldn't have been able to take any more hurt from you. No more hurt from anybody. You slowly walk toward me, your body shivering from an unknown force I expect you to hit a barrier of some sort because of how seperated we were now. But you don't. I count your steps. onetwothreefourfivesixse7en You drop to your knees and I blanch as I hear your knees bang into the tile floor. You reach hesitantly for my hand and hold it dearly in your own, as if you held it any tighter it would shatter like glass and I would shatter along with it. I almost cry out as I feel your familiar hand enclosing mine. It had been too long. (butNOnocomfortforSoLip) Your thumb moves in comforting circles and I could tell you were trying to memerize something... Me. My head begins to pulsate with pain ((again)) "There may be side affects, the symptons may reaccur, but it isn't life threatening. They will fade." "Thank you, Doctor." But I ignore it as I stare into your eyes, now alive and so big and wet and pools of grief and love and regret and I almost drown in them. ---makeitstop makeitstop makeitstop I feel you grip the side of my arms tightly (you might leave bruises) as my eyes roll up into the back of my head and right before I lose all feeling I hear you screaming. Pause. Did you notice my heart beating in one with your own rapid life drumming? Or had you forgotten that we were-- Play How did it all come down to this? Posted Image Rewind. Play. + Shim ChangMin's POV//o2.14. 8 years old I shuffled my feet around as I stare down at the dirty floor. I hear the raucous yells of the other children and the squeals of the girls as they opened their valentine's day cards. The scent of roses and chocolate cut into me. I hated this year. This was the first year where giving valentines to all of your classmates wasn't mandatory anymore. Would the other children laugh and point at me when they saw that I had been given nothing? I felt the beginning of my famed tears prick at my senses. No never again would I see them cry. I sniffle back them and run my uniform sleeve under my running nose. "Shim ChangMin oppa!" Wait. I know that voice. A blur of bright red and pink is stuffed into my palms and the girl who shoved it into them disappeared as fast as she came. I blink. I am left in the dust and I smelt the after scent of.. I stare down in shock, my big eyes widening even bigger in disbelief when I realized what it was. It was a valentine's day card. My first valentine's day card. It is homemade, I could tell by the crude cut marks and the messes of glue but I still thought it was beautiful. It is heart valentine, covered in bits of lace and glitter and I wanted to show the whole world and brag and- It was my beautiful valentine. I look around my classroom searching for a person to connect with the voice. All I see were black and white faceless children playing laughing and playing and not caring. What I didn't notice was the only colored little girl hiding behind a desk. I open the precious card slowly and read the carefully written inside Dear ChangMin oppa~ I think you are cute. Don't let the meanie oppas make fun of you. If they do I will beat them up for you. Happy valentines day <3 PS. I think you should smile more. I saw you do it once and it was pretty. love- Ki SoLip I shut the card closed slowly, careful not to crease any of the construction paper edges or damage my beautiful present. and then I bowed my head, my emotions getting ahold of me and cried. Pause. If you looked closely in the background of the crowded classroom, You could see a little girl crouched behind chairs staring straight at ChangMin, Her hands covered in bright band aids from paper cuts and bits of construction paper stuck to her arms. And you could tell in that instant that she was in love. Posted Image fastforward. A little boy handing a little girl a bouquet of freshly picked flowers (roses). ((he had bandaids on his hands)) A shy look passed under long eyelashes. "Hello. My name is Shim ChangMin." A beautiful smile with two missing front teeth. "My name is Ki SoLip." -- Ice cream cones in the summertime. The sickly sweet liquid would drip into warm hands and make them sticky. Snowmen in the wintertime. Picnics with cut apple slices and the clouds would be their cotton candy game. The wind blowing in hair during bike rides down that hill that their parents deemed dangerous. Stargazing in the middle of the street on top of bluebear blankets with bottles of coke and peppero sticks. Bright tomato juice spiraling down pale arms as teeth tore into them on a hot summer day. funlovelaughtertearsbloodwoundsgamesmemoriesinsidejokeslovelovelove It was a friendship that was more than just a friendship. They were soulmates. + Ki SoLip's POV// 11.24 14 years old Play. When did I first meet ChangMin oppa? It was years ago when I was seven and he was eight, YooChun oppa wasn't there to meet me at our usual spot to walk home. I was sitting on the school steps, my knees drawn up to my chest and my head between my folded arms, worrying and crying, when I heard someone behind me. I didn't bother to look up, I expected whoever it was to pass me by, just like the other countless students before them. But they didn't. "Why are you crying?" My head flung up and I stare into a set of unfamiliar chocolate eyes. The little boy had the warmest eyes. And I remember right then that I knew he was the one. I had no interest in boys then, they were the unknown species that my brother and his friends were. But this certain boy... He had looked at me expectantly, his already big eyes opening farther. I stumbled over my words, my emotions getting to me again. "My oppa isn't here sniffle yyeeett and sob I'm scared!!" Do you know what ChangMin did next? He handed me a bar of chocolate. ___________ The doctor's words echo through my head. Nononono it can't be true. I could see Yoochun oppa crumpled over in the corner of the room, his body shaking from his tears. ((--doctor if we cried and begged enough..could you fix our mother?)) I'msosorry.Yourmotheris.. Yoochun oppa's cries tear into me. Nono this isn't my Yoochun oppa. My Yoochun oppa is strong and courageous and isn't afraid of ANYTHING! "UMMA.UMMA.UMMA!!" It suffocates me. I walk out of the stifling stark white room; my mouth tasting like copper. I want to plug my ears. I wanted to scream. I want to kick and beg and get on my kness. But I don't. My motions are mechanical as I dial a memorized phone number at the front desk. The aging nurse looks at me with something akin to pity in her wise and knowing eyes. I ignore her. My breathing is rash to even my own ears. It is harsh and grating, like an old man who smoked his life away and while on his deathbed he couldn't tell his family that he loved them. That he made a mistake. My chest is burning. ringringringrinnngg. The shrillness hurt my ears. "Hello?" I couldn't speak. "Hello..?" Harsh breathing. My heart was beating so hard it left bruises on my bones. Bruises on my bones. "Hello..?" "O..oppa." "SoLip-ah?" Why was this so hard? "Minnie oppa.." I heard him take a sharp intake of breath at the utter heartbreak in my voice. "Oppa.. I need.." I broke off and choked down a sob. It strangled me. "I'm on my way." I heard a click and I set the phone down slowly. I dial a different number, but just as memerized. He answers on the first ring. "I know. I'm on my way right now. Don't do anything.." The phone goes dead. (deaddeaddead) I mumbled a thanks to the nurse. thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyounowhyshouldithankyouwhydidntyouhelpmymommy I sat down on one of the brightly colored chairs in the waiting room, (--a man sat in the exact chair just a day earlier covered in blood because his wife had..) The world began to fade away. awayawayawayaway. Nononono it can't be true. My mom was dying. Fast forward. JaeJoong oppa arrived. ChangMin oppa came fifteen minutes later. Fast forward. It was all a blur. Play. Ki JaeYoung. Time of death. 9:03 pm.
	sara


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