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| Tweet Topic Started: May 6 2004, 04:04 AM (63 Views) | |
| Naruta-chan | May 6 2004, 04:04 AM Post #1 |
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Postaholic
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although i like to write poems, i can only write them when I have a feeling to wrtie them at the moment the event happens. I think most of the time, the better poems come from my most depressing moments. anywayz...here i am writing this again. but i know that i make lots of grammatical mistakes. can someone help me edit this? thnx! :woooohoooo: "Let our distance that we had among each other measure the withering of our hearts Let our pride shut off the oxygen traveling to our brains Let our ignorance of one another be the main reason for our failures Let our silence be the answers that we are trying to communicate. Let our hate binds with our fate Let us sink and cannot be saved." by. Valz.H. 05-06-04 |
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| hot_saranghae | May 6 2004, 10:41 AM Post #2 |
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Junior Member
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aw~~ tt's so nice... I like the poem a lot... so meaningful^^ I esp. like the line..."let our hate binds with our fate..." GOOD JOB!! ~Rina |
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| Winged VoX | May 6 2004, 12:43 PM Post #3 |
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The Natural Playboy
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Like the farmer said to the cow, "Well done." |
![]() "Just Like Coffee That Has Cooled..." - Blog Spot | |
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| Yo-Tai-Keizuke | May 6 2004, 04:47 PM Post #4 |
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H.O.T's Wu Jiok
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Speechless... *claps* |
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"though the ocean is big...but it can wave and do a lot of tricks." -Val- Xbox Live Gamertag ![]() ![]() credits: Thanks to Jess (Shouling) Caliente like a volcano But beautifully bright as the sun She's my angel sistah Her name is lady Madison Yo-Tai-Keizuke Ukaji A.K.A (Also Known As) Edwin Express Love: (Kuai Ti Ai Qin) Hurry now Don't wait for time to pass you by Find a way to keep the sparks, alive alive Hurry now Don't let that someone pass you by Make the passion esscalate | |
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| Angel | May 7 2004, 01:39 AM Post #5 |
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C_Beyond ((chunsa oppa))
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ok, hot stuff...u asked for help editing the grammar...here goes (altho sometimes its best to leave it as it is when you first wrote it) : on the last 2 lines-->(these are suggestions of course)
Let our hate bind us to our fate. (?) Let our hate bind our fate. Our hate is binding with fate.
Let us sink and not be saved. Let us sink so we cannot be saved. Let us sink never to be saved. ....remember..just suggestions...i like it just the way it is....your poem was excellent...you projected your emotions very well. it was abstract with an focused energy to it. good job, val! ^_^ |
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| Naruta-chan | May 7 2004, 06:02 AM Post #6 |
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Postaholic
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thanks for the comments and thanks for the correction. i like this one (this sounds more correct-and better- than what i had)
though for this one, i have a question: "Let our hate bind our fate" isn't hate always singular? so, shouldn't the verb, "bind," be singular also? so shouldnt it be "binds?" and i like this one:
thanks for helping. >.< need to work more on my writing |
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| jinnie | May 7 2004, 06:58 AM Post #7 |
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`goodbye...
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aww. . .very beautiful. |
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