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Vic, i challenge you!; To a freestyle battle! It's WAR!
Topic Started: Mar 29 2004, 01:40 AM (628 Views)
daywalker2k2
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Yeah shoo keep on looking good!!!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
him or her vic :) Alyssa is trying to be one of us..a copycat :)
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Yo-Tai-Keizuke
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H.O.T's Wu Jiok
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Oh, okay, i see what's going on. Y'all are going down!

You mentioned my name and the word "cheat"
You think i'd sunk to the level of a submarine fleet?
You crazy? Someboy must've knock you in the head
Oh wait, you did it to Marbin when he sat close to you in bed
Yes, i'm talking about you, "miss i got heat"
The one that goes arround saying "I can't be beat"
Well, guess what?
I can and will do, how about that?
You talk like you can take all us men
I don't know about that, but where you've been?
Your words are of no danger to us, to me
Heck, bound to see better in world war 3

And, Marbin, you need Vic's permission?
I've told you many times, this is reality not fiction
Get it straight and act on your own
Oh wait, you're the kind of man who doesn't have a phone
He's always crying and feeling sad all alone
Still, a girlfriend he has
Just like it, it'll leave him fast
To our surprise he had a baby
Without getting married, is he crazy?
To think he would give her the name of a machine
Just goes to show, Marbin, he's not what he seems
He's just one crazy man, one crazy boy, and one crazy dude
Feeling sorry cause his girlfriend him never understood

Vic, stop trying, do something cause talk is cheap
Get back in the ring and show me the meaning of sheep
Your blows are just as soft
Her moons, but no bigger than Lare Croft's
Don't care if you don't understand
I forgot where that was my problem man
But, Vic, i bet you must know what i am talking about
Your age, your experience, sure wouldn't leave you left out
Then again, what constitutes it being junk?
Is it eye of the beholder or the brain full of skunk?
Either way could go here
But, one thing is clear
Y'all's threats, i don't fear

lol :)
"though the ocean is big...but it can wave and do a lot of tricks." -Val-

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Caliente like a volcano
But beautifully bright as the sun
She's my angel sistah
Her name is lady Madison


Yo-Tai-Keizuke Ukaji A.K.A (Also Known As) Edwin

Express Love: (Kuai Ti Ai Qin)

Hurry now
Don't wait for time to pass you by
Find a way to keep the sparks, alive alive
Hurry now
Don't let that someone pass you by
Make the passion esscalate
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Seoul Survivor
Thanks Jay!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Look at all those words. And nothing at all said. Valerie (Vietpucca) puts up a short simple poem, that makes sense, has a clear message and rhymes. While Dedwin, who I am convinced suffers from APD (Awful Poetry Disease) types and type and types, and says nothing at all.
What a terrible waste of bits and bytes.

//Seoul
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Winged VoX
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The Natural Playboy
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Man...I feel like throwing down my own rhymes myself.
Not because of Edwin or anyone else's influence. I just might need to start practicing and honing my craft of the game for the summer.
Plus, I don't want any backlash from Vic, haha.
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"Just Like Coffee That Has Cooled..." - Blog Spot
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Seoul Survivor
Thanks Jay!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Yeah, Arnell, and the "Backlash" cannon is well oiled, my friend. Type all the poetry you want. Even send it to the printer, if you're especially proud of it, just do NOT hit SEND! (Hint: Before posting, SAVE your poems, for one day. Read them a day later. If they make sense, have the correct pentameter, and aren't too "goofy" then post them. I don't hate poetry, just BAD poetry!)

//Seoul
Join "Mary's Kids" on the May Day Telethon, to save the world from APD. (Awful Poetry Disorder) It's a disease that people (see: Dedwin) have and don't know it...
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Winged VoX
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The Natural Playboy
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
You know, I wasn't even thinking of it as poetry.
Did my poetry long ago when I was a young lad back in middle school.
I was just going to throw out some freestyle.
Future job (you know the future job) requires me to have a sense of flow or else it would sound like poorly done poetry.

But don't worry. Whenever I usually think up a few rhymes, they stay in the head.
They never go down on paper or on internet based text.
It's just stuff that comes from the top of my head.
I'll just do the right thing and leave all bashings from you for Edwin.
Practice part of my future job in private.
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daywalker2k2
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Yeah shoo keep on looking good!!!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Ok let me jump into since i got fired back...

Man alyssa did you say cheat
please you cant admin just being beat
I knocked alyssa on her head
and no we were not in bed
besides alyssa went to new york
and come back like she ate bad pork
if we are toys then girls are tools
yeah you heard right
we use them as we please
I did lay hand on you and counted to three
but by the time i was done you were down on your knees
crush me with your shoe...
all filled with poo poo
i dont think you can lay a kick on me
if you did i would let you count to three
and just maybe let you flee
take your earrings off real quick
but chose to pick
do you want to do or die
your choice or you could just bye
want to see blood..please alyysa you would probly pass out
and you would end in a serious bout
losing blood as you pout
i am going to let you go cause you are my girl
but then again dont go to new york
and eat that bad pork
it made you talk like you were a dork

Edwin i see you are once agian talking this and that
as usual reporting bullsh*t facts
I am on my own man
and for sure i have a plan
You say i dont got a phone
then why is it when i call you the thing that shakes is your tone
I could get girlfriend anytime
but i am trying to find the one they call mine
did i have baby
just maybe
I may be a crazy dude
but you might as well call yourself MR. Crude
Yeah my girlfriend never understood me
she said it was not you
she said it was edwin smelling like poo

Now dont mess with vic
or he is going to be bitting you like a tick
choose your pick
it is either vic or a kick
i say give him both vic
remember he come from puerto ric
And usally they think they are slick

Hehe i am out once again.



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Yo-Tai-Keizuke
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H.O.T's Wu Jiok
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Marbin, rhyming, i wish you never started
Damn, that was a dud, are you retarted?
After that how you think i'm supposed to feel?
I'm like "Whoa, is he for real?"
Bet your grandma can rhyme better than you
She'll even sunk me faster than a submarine crew
Marbin Marbin Marbin, come here
Pay attention to your ear
Listen, it's quite simple, almost clear
You gotta have flow, ya know?
Know the difference between heat and sknow
One burns one freezes, that's how it goes
And, you're burning without freezing anything up
Just follow these simeple guidelines and don't ever stop
Soon my friend, with my help, you'll make your way to the top

Vic's an adult, a big boy
He don't need no one defending his toy
So, Marbin, i'm sure he appreciates the support
But, you forgot the telegram, the repport
It says "Sophia's man, don't ever butt in my life"
When i read that i was like "Yo, Vic, high five!"
I just couldn't believe it
He'd be with her every minute
Though soon found out there was a downside to all
Vic started moping around and having late night calls
It was not Sophia, but Vic himself
He started doubting everyone else
He spoke the word "Soap" and it all came clear
The preminition of this organization was getting near
Only one man stands before my dreams and my eyes
A man so hot and sexy, it makes me realize
The ending sure will be a fun surprise
"though the ocean is big...but it can wave and do a lot of tricks." -Val-

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credits: Thanks to Jess (Shouling)

Caliente like a volcano
But beautifully bright as the sun
She's my angel sistah
Her name is lady Madison


Yo-Tai-Keizuke Ukaji A.K.A (Also Known As) Edwin

Express Love: (Kuai Ti Ai Qin)

Hurry now
Don't wait for time to pass you by
Find a way to keep the sparks, alive alive
Hurry now
Don't let that someone pass you by
Make the passion esscalate
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Seoul Survivor
Thanks Jay!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
YOu know what the problem with that poem is, Edwin? It does, in fact (somewhat) rhyme. The topics you've chosen are relavent. The problem is that it is ORDINARY. I t uses lots and lots and lots of words, but doesn't inspire, nor teach, nor cause any form of emotion.
(Sincere hint: Next time you're at Blockbuster, there is an older film, called "Dead Poet's Society". Watch it. In fact, watch it twice.)
It is not a funny film, I don't know what, if any awards it won. But you will learn a LOT from it. And maybe that will translate into your poems, and I can quit pestering you about them.

//Seoul
P.S., One of the main reasons I don't want to get involved with a thread like this, is that I am no more a poet, than I am a brain surgeon. Watch the film.
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Yo-Tai-Keizuke
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H.O.T's Wu Jiok
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Haven't seen the movie, Vic. I'll check it out. And, these aren't poems, these are freestyle rhymes, like rap. So, yeah, it sucks. Tell me something i don't know. lol

All in good fun, like you always say, my friend. :)
"though the ocean is big...but it can wave and do a lot of tricks." -Val-

Xbox Live Gamertag
Posted Image

Posted Image
credits: Thanks to Jess (Shouling)

Caliente like a volcano
But beautifully bright as the sun
She's my angel sistah
Her name is lady Madison


Yo-Tai-Keizuke Ukaji A.K.A (Also Known As) Edwin

Express Love: (Kuai Ti Ai Qin)

Hurry now
Don't wait for time to pass you by
Find a way to keep the sparks, alive alive
Hurry now
Don't let that someone pass you by
Make the passion esscalate
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Yo-Tai-Keizuke
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H.O.T's Wu Jiok
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
SooJin, she's so nice
So lovely, full of spice
But, lately i'm like "Sweetie, don't listen to O B Trice"
She says "Why not? I wanna show you a surprise"
She giggles and starts chasing my A$$ with a gun
I run as fast as i can and say "Sweetheart, this is no fun!"
She then says "I was just playing, sweetie"
"Come to bed and sign this treaty"
I then say "You sure? Okay, lady Twitty"
She gets furious, angry, and asks "WHO'S THAT?!"
"Boy you better start running before i hit you with this bat!"

Yeah, she carries knifes, guns, and bats when she's around me
She takes our relationship very very seriously
I'm like "cupcake, calm down"
"I had my mind all to the way in the ground"
"I wasn't thinking straight"
"Please, sweetie, give me a break"
She's like "Okay, i will"
"But don't ever lie to me, or you'll know how it feels"
"To be castrated in front of your own wife"
"Remember you have one? You'll have five"

See what i have to deal with?
Vic, your stuff in comparison aren't big
That's why i don't even bid
If i did
Trust me, seeing you guys again...
She would forbid

lol :)
"though the ocean is big...but it can wave and do a lot of tricks." -Val-

Xbox Live Gamertag
Posted Image

Posted Image
credits: Thanks to Jess (Shouling)

Caliente like a volcano
But beautifully bright as the sun
She's my angel sistah
Her name is lady Madison


Yo-Tai-Keizuke Ukaji A.K.A (Also Known As) Edwin

Express Love: (Kuai Ti Ai Qin)

Hurry now
Don't wait for time to pass you by
Find a way to keep the sparks, alive alive
Hurry now
Don't let that someone pass you by
Make the passion esscalate
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Seoul Survivor
Thanks Jay!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
OH Geez..... And this close to dinner. Whenever you thnk "Edwin's poetry can't get any worse", it does. And he just slings it, like one of those manure machines that they pull behide a tractor on a farm.

Quotoing Arnell:
" You know, I wasn't even thinking of it as poetry."
Good, it wasn't.

Quoting the Poetry Monster:
"Yeah, she carries knifes, guns, and bats when she's around me
She takes our relationship very very seriously"
She's also a card carrying member of SOAP and PEST.


Quoting Marbin:
"besides alyssa went to new york
and come back like she ate bad pork"
Yuppers, bad poetry does that to them every time...

Back to Arnell:
"Practice part of my future job in private."
New job as what? Ivan the Impaler?

Jeez.. This stuff is really awful..

Watch the film, Poetry Monster, watch the film...

//Seoul
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Yo-Tai-Keizuke
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H.O.T's Wu Jiok
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Trust me, this aint poetry. All these stuff i write i don't take it seriously, it's all for fun. :) In this thread i'm just freestyling, that's why is horrible, cause is funny. When you Vic see me naming the following verse with a name, that's when you'll know is poetry. lol

Then again, the more i say this aint poetry, the more you say it is...who's the critic here? Certainly not me. lol

My baby SooJin just ate dinner
Eats and eats, just keeps getting thinner
I'm like "Sweetie, i wish i could work your magic"
"Edwin, if you did, it be tragic"
"Darling, may i ask why?"
"Face it, you would die"
She then says "Oh wait, that aint a bad idea"
"Edwin, got more food, come hee-a"
"SooJin, you're scaring me..."
"I mean it, seriously"
She then says "Look, i prepared more, see?"
"Don't worry, you know i love you...heehee"
"Sweetie, what's that smile?"
"You've had it for quite a while"
She says "I'm just happy you're with me"
"C'mon, just have some of this tea"
Drank the tea and counted to three
I then said "SooJin...you need therapy"

Before i knew it i passed out and fell on the floor
She dragged me all the way to the house's fron door
She decorated my body with flowers
She then said "He's body should decontaminate whithin an hour"
What she meant by decontamination
Was Edwin's poetry infection
She loves him, but she's had enough
Since she's been with him, it's all been rough
Apparently it all was poetry and no love
She then says "I don't care who you be"
"Hearing his poetry constantly"
"Will make you one day kill him eventually"
"So, my dear Edwin, today you i bury"
I'll miss you...very"
"though the ocean is big...but it can wave and do a lot of tricks." -Val-

Xbox Live Gamertag
Posted Image

Posted Image
credits: Thanks to Jess (Shouling)

Caliente like a volcano
But beautifully bright as the sun
She's my angel sistah
Her name is lady Madison


Yo-Tai-Keizuke Ukaji A.K.A (Also Known As) Edwin

Express Love: (Kuai Ti Ai Qin)

Hurry now
Don't wait for time to pass you by
Find a way to keep the sparks, alive alive
Hurry now
Don't let that someone pass you by
Make the passion esscalate
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Seoul Survivor
Thanks Jay!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Jeez,

Life is much too short to wade through all that crap.
Edwin, sorry to inform you, but 'You ain't a poet". It is as simple as that.
You may be an excellent brain surgeon. An excellent baseball (what ever that is) player, a stockbroker, or at least a Blockbuster franchisee. But Poet: NOPE.
Don't waste your time. Learn from this now. (and watch the film!!!!!!!) All your verses are ORDINARY.


Wiser words may have never been spoken.
//Seoul
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Yo-Tai-Keizuke
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H.O.T's Wu Jiok
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Who said i was? Not me, i'm not. Others do, but popularity does not equate to truth or reality.
"though the ocean is big...but it can wave and do a lot of tricks." -Val-

Xbox Live Gamertag
Posted Image

Posted Image
credits: Thanks to Jess (Shouling)

Caliente like a volcano
But beautifully bright as the sun
She's my angel sistah
Her name is lady Madison


Yo-Tai-Keizuke Ukaji A.K.A (Also Known As) Edwin

Express Love: (Kuai Ti Ai Qin)

Hurry now
Don't wait for time to pass you by
Find a way to keep the sparks, alive alive
Hurry now
Don't let that someone pass you by
Make the passion esscalate
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Yo-Tai-Keizuke
Member Avatar
H.O.T's Wu Jiok
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Sorry for the double post.

To me, poems are like a Reeses peanut butter cup, you guys seen the commercial? It goes like "There's no wrong way to eat a Reeses". Poems being like "There's no wrong way to write a poem". BUT! If there ever was such way! It be me. LOL!!!!!

So, why should i brake the tradition? lol

Hey, Vic, thought i show you this poem. Now, believe me, this wasn't written by me, as you'll see. lol It was actually written by Jonathan Nater, a well known writer and poet that i've known since High school. What'd you think?

Poem called: Life's Own Teachings

A seed slowly grows if time is given
But, just like any human being
Growth comes from other things
Like the bond of friendship and love between

Life aint just a one way track
We're not just born to die
Let yourself open to experience
But do not just live, try

Love can be so precious
So beautiful, so unbelievable
Find that special someone
And make your love insatiable

A person's character
Is one of it's most fascinating qualities
Be and believe in yourself, don't let anyboy
Derive the way your were brought by your family

Respect and pride
Two aspects not that easy to feel
Just make sure
You know what's important to you and what is real

An argument
Can lead to chaos
But an understanding
Can lead to aid us

In the end
The grades at school, isn't going to prepare while you've alive
But the small knowledge you're consuming as a person
It's going to differ whether you're ready to walk or run through life
"though the ocean is big...but it can wave and do a lot of tricks." -Val-

Xbox Live Gamertag
Posted Image

Posted Image
credits: Thanks to Jess (Shouling)

Caliente like a volcano
But beautifully bright as the sun
She's my angel sistah
Her name is lady Madison


Yo-Tai-Keizuke Ukaji A.K.A (Also Known As) Edwin

Express Love: (Kuai Ti Ai Qin)

Hurry now
Don't wait for time to pass you by
Find a way to keep the sparks, alive alive
Hurry now
Don't let that someone pass you by
Make the passion esscalate
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Seoul Survivor
Thanks Jay!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Don't know that he would get his photo on the front of "Better Poems and Gardens", but it isn't bad. Some of it I agree with, some I do not.

//Seoul
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Yo-Tai-Keizuke
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H.O.T's Wu Jiok
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Good, cause i lied. I wrote that. You inspired it, though. :)
"though the ocean is big...but it can wave and do a lot of tricks." -Val-

Xbox Live Gamertag
Posted Image

Posted Image
credits: Thanks to Jess (Shouling)

Caliente like a volcano
But beautifully bright as the sun
She's my angel sistah
Her name is lady Madison


Yo-Tai-Keizuke Ukaji A.K.A (Also Known As) Edwin

Express Love: (Kuai Ti Ai Qin)

Hurry now
Don't wait for time to pass you by
Find a way to keep the sparks, alive alive
Hurry now
Don't let that someone pass you by
Make the passion esscalate
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Seoul Survivor
Thanks Jay!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
That doesn't surprise me. Hence my cautious answer. The poem lacks lacks passion. "The cat sat on the mat". (A quote from Dead Poet's Society, SEE THE FILM, Edwin!!! This particular scene vividly explains EXACTLY what I'm saying!!) It reeks of "Ordinary-ism" (a word I just made up)
When you write poetry, it MUST be MORE important to you than your next breath. Elsewise hit DELETE, and do something else.

//Seoul

Notes on the film Dead Poet's Society. First, there is NO violence. No sex, no vulgar language. But it packs some very powerful messages. The star is Robin Williams, (He is NOT a comic in this film!!) I Strongly suggest renting it!! I believe the film is rated PG.
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Yo-Tai-Keizuke
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H.O.T's Wu Jiok
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
My question to you Vic is "Are you being serious?" If so, that means you do care about my poetry. But, most of the stuff you see here at KMR, i could care less cause that is made for laughter or to make someone feel special. I don't care if it's crap, cause believe me it is. If it can make others laugh, why not? The only poems i care about are the ones that are poem dedications because those come from my heart, how i feel. I just do it for fun and if it comes to a point where is no longer fun, it's not worth it.

By the way, thanks, oh captain, my captain. :)

One thing, what does this mean?

When walking through a Melon patch, don't adjust your sandals.
"though the ocean is big...but it can wave and do a lot of tricks." -Val-

Xbox Live Gamertag
Posted Image

Posted Image
credits: Thanks to Jess (Shouling)

Caliente like a volcano
But beautifully bright as the sun
She's my angel sistah
Her name is lady Madison


Yo-Tai-Keizuke Ukaji A.K.A (Also Known As) Edwin

Express Love: (Kuai Ti Ai Qin)

Hurry now
Don't wait for time to pass you by
Find a way to keep the sparks, alive alive
Hurry now
Don't let that someone pass you by
Make the passion esscalate
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