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| Need Advice | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 19 2006, 11:52 AM (256 Views) | |
| Toni | Jan 19 2006, 11:52 AM Post #1 |
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Has anyone had a teen that just didn't seem to care about school work? Did you find a way to get through to them? :help: |
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| carolr3639 | Jan 19 2006, 12:00 PM Post #2 |
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Heaven Bound
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:rolleyes: We've had 10 teens with varoius interests in school. Some cared, some didn't. All have grown up to be pretty responsible. We use privileges to get them to cooperate. Just now my youngest was acting up so I told her she would have to wait a week to get her permit. She straightened right up. Why do some work really hard at school and others don't? For us it has been peer pressure to some extent. That is why we homeschooled the youngest 4. But really, each child is so different and we love them all alike, praying that God will use each to his glory. :ph43r: |
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| Toni | Jan 19 2006, 12:12 PM Post #3 |
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I hate to be negative, I love my daughter so much and show her that love even when she is acting negatively. I have tried grounding, revoking priveledges, positive reinforcement, and even before this last report card came out told her there would be no permit test until her gradecard has no D's or F's....all to no avail. I've seen progress in other areas, such as she's not quite as stubborn or rebellious as she once was, but not much when it comes to homework. Right now she is not allowed to go anywhere on school days either. (Big punishment for a social butterfly!) When she was in elementary school she was in the Gifted Program, but even then she didn't want to do anything extra, didn't want to stand out from her peers. She has the kindest heart....always there to be a friend to and support the underdog. In doing so, she often picks friends who are not the kind of influence I would like. Yet, many of them still make good grades. |
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| LesleeML | Jan 19 2006, 12:28 PM Post #4 |
God's Grace Special Angel
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Heck I am having that problem and my kid is only eight!! But we homeschool so I guess it's a little different. :blink: |
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| ed-gracetoday | Jan 19 2006, 12:55 PM Post #5 |
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Neither of my daughters did good in school. Privileges were taken away from them. Unbelievably both went on to get Associate degrees and both are extremely successful in the corporate world. Go figure. |
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| J.I.L. | Jan 19 2006, 01:46 PM Post #6 |
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Toni, I have trouble with my second oldest. :wacko: We take privledges away ect to no avail it seems.. she is strong willed! I have a friend who always tells me you do your part and give it to God and let Him take care of it. Somethings we cant fix you do what you can and cast the care of it on God. I have seen some of my friends kids who were in trouble turn out to be very succesful cover her in prayer sis..God's Word wont return void it will do what He says it will..I know it can be frustrating. :ph43r: for her and you and your dh. |
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| Toni | Jan 19 2006, 02:51 PM Post #7 |
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I think you are all right. My dh tends to want to take away all priveledges at once...but I think that would only make her resentful and act out more. Strong willed definitely describes my girl! We tried that before as a shock tactic and she turned her frustration inward in depression and outward, too. My biggest hope was that I could say that I tried everything...didn't want it to be my fault. Seems like my best course is to continue to make consequences for bad grades and to leave the rest in God's hands as you suggested. It's comforting to know that others go through the same things with their children, and that they not only come through but are successful. |
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| Loving Heart | Jan 20 2006, 02:19 AM Post #8 |
God's Grace Warrior
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Wow Toni, That is a hard one. Kids are all so different in how they react to different situations. And for me to tell you how to react with her is like telling you the sky is purple. lol There are so many questions to be ask, 1. Is she mad about something? 2. Is she mad at you or dh or someone else? 3. Does she just hate school? 4. Has she missed alot of days? 5.Is she behind and can't seem to catch up? 6. Has the school contacted you? 7. Have you contacted any of her teachers? 8. Is she just rebelling against authority? 9. What does she say about her grades? 10. Is it a thing with her friends? 11. Is there a guy that she likes and she doesn't want him to know she is smart? 12.Does she want your attention? 13. Is she jealous of time you spend with dh? 14. Is she still depressed? 15. Is she embarrased about something about her looks? (none of us are ever happy with the way we look even if we are perfect.lol) 16. and the list goes on and on............................... I am not asking you to answer any of these on line, just trying to give you some ideas that might help you to identify her problems. With kids there are so many possibilities. It may be simple distractions of any sort. Norman Vincent Peale has a book out that you might like and find some answers in. I forget the name of it, but it is __________ Imaging I think it is called Dynamic Imaging. pretty sure. In it he tells wonderful stories about the different prayers people prayed while seeing the result of the prayer before it came to pass. He would probably say to go into her bedroom while she was at school and lay down in her bed and place your hand on her pillow and pray the prayers that she would take action over her grades and over all areas of her life. Does this work? umhum. Tried it with an anger problem of someone I love and yes it does work. By the way, I have a son who was like that. He was gifted and had such an easy time in school and never had to study, so he didn't. Then one day came and the other kids had cought up with him in studies and it was almost as if he didn't know where to begin or even how to study. (Middle School) Then he got it together and did really well in high school and is fine now. Getting married in a couple of months. Best Wishes and will be praying for a good outcome. :heart: :heart: :heart: |
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| angelic | Jan 20 2006, 06:45 AM Post #9 |
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Toni, I'll be praying for your family. You've been given some really good comments and questions to thing about.....one more for parents to ask.....have you talked to her about why she doesn't do homework --- or doesn't turn it in---?? Some children just don't see any connection between memorizing the Presidents and their job--unless their goal is to be president or in politics somehow. What are her goals after school? If she wants to be a homemaker can she see where what she is learning in school is needed for the home? If she is thinking about working out somewhere, what type of job? Maybe talking to someone in that position would help her see what is needed to start and move up the working ladder in that area. Having her look at herself, what is important to her, what does she want to do with her life, how will she achieve it, and what is needed to achieve it. Maybe, maybe that will help also. Does she plan on being out on her own? Does she figure she will just stay at home with Dad and Mom forever and ever [ :) }? Are the classes she is taking 'off the wall' for her goal? Would her teachers still call her a 'gifted' student -- if so, maybe she isn't being challenged, and might need to take a college class or 2 also. The hardest thing is probably setting the limits that you, as parents, can live with. No permit test, is a good incentive, but at the same time, if she is being chauffered everywhere by you or her friends, there might not be a need to drive either. Or, until enough of her friends have those permits and she starts to feel left out, it might not be important to her. You've had one book suggested, I might suggest another one -- or more -- The Tim LaHaye book - The Spirit Controlled Temperment - is about the 4 major personalities. It has a section on the strong willed child....and ways to help them. I just checked his home page, and it is for sale for $9.00 from them.... Used bookstores or e-bay would probably be cheaper and the library is free.... I have read the book from cover to cover, and think it is really a good resource. It helped me understand why my dh reacted one way to our kids and why they 'reacted' the way they did. Raising kids....is not easy....and covering them in prayer is good/vital. I will join you and will :pray: , :pray: , and :pray: some more. As you have read, you're not alone. My 2 were so-so students, and I tried to push/encourage them to do better....to no avail... NOW, they both say they wish they had worked harder and done better, It would help them with their choices/jobs out in the world. Some is just maturity, and even gifted kids are not always as mature as their peers--some are and some are more mature.... We are all different -- Thank God, my kids weren't like me. Don't know if I could have handled that (mom did a good job with me, but I am not sure I would have done as well...) |
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| mrshess | Jan 20 2006, 07:38 AM Post #10 |
God's Grace Stability
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I teach 5th grade...I am just embarking into the teen parenting world, but my oldest is a natural born student. My other two...not so. I don't look at grades...I know every teacher has a different standard and they are relative in the grand scheme of things. My parents always asked us if we did our best. I have students who truly do their best, and still make C's. I think there is an intrinsic motivation that can't come from anywhere else when we talk about work ethic. Does she or he have any goals? I would sit down and ask them to make personal goals...do they want to go to college? work? trades? Have them talk with someone in that field. What classes or skills are important? Just helping them see what is relevant and putting things in perspective. |
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| mrshess | Jan 20 2006, 07:40 AM Post #11 |
God's Grace Stability
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PS. If math is a problem...one of my math teacher friends assigned his class the task of finding 3 jobs that use NO math at all....hmmmmm |
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| Toni | Jan 20 2006, 10:42 AM Post #12 |
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LH - I have asked myself and her these questions. This is not a new problem, has been going on since the 6th grade. We did have some major changes that year, but here we are 4 years later. Honestly, I think she spends more time socializing with friends than she does worrying about her school work. I also think it's just plain laziness. It's always the same story with the teachers....not turning in homework and not studying for tests. Even if she does the homework that is no guarantee it'll get turned in. She's also highly scatterbrained! That book sounds good, I'll have to look into it. Angelic - a lot of her friends are getting permits, that's why I thought this would be something that would hit home. Also the restriction from seeing any friends after school during the week...with the intention that she is supposed to study during that time and bring her grades up. That book you suggested sounds right up my alley. She and dh do tend to clash on everything. (I give him part of the responsibility for that one.) We have talked about her future. She says she wants to go to college or a trade school and be on her own after high school. I've tried explaining to her about what kinds of grades and classes she needs to acheive that goal. Amy - good suggestions also. We have talked about her future. She says she wants to go to college or a trade school and be on her own after high school. I've tried explaining to her about what kinds of grades and classes she needs to acheive that goal. I've even told her that I'm willing to be ok with a C average, even though I know she could make A's and B's if she tried. Still she brings home the D's and F's. I will do some reading, and a lot more praying. It's going to have to be up to her to want to change. I even tried homeschooling for 1/2 a semester and it didn't do any good. I tried making it interesting, letting her study what interested her within the subjects. Everytime she wants to take the lazy way out. I'm not stressing. I know it's in God's hands and that He has a plan. She has a good head on her shoulders and I know she'll be ok. |
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| LesleeML | Jan 20 2006, 03:54 PM Post #13 |
God's Grace Special Angel
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I will continue to keep your family in prayer. Parenting is certainly not an easy job! Give it to the Lord. I have tried myself to do things on my own without leaning on God..and boy.. what a disaster! So let God take care of it all for you .He has a way of making everything work out in the end.. He is amazing! God Bless! :god: :hug: |
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| Toni | Jan 20 2006, 04:48 PM Post #14 |
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Thanks so much for your encouragement Leslee. I appreciate your prayers. Cute picture! |
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| Loving Heart | Jan 21 2006, 02:39 AM Post #15 |
God's Grace Warrior
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Dear Toni, Looks like everyone has offered some wonderful advice. The other book mentioned sounds great too. I have to back up and write it down! Sadly enough, you may find that it is something that she will just have to work out. I told you about my children, but I didn't tell you about myself. It only came to mind when I read your reply. I think she and I have somethings in common. ooopppsss. lol (and I am the much older one than she is. lol) When I was in school, I didn't ever have to study hardly at all, it came really easy up to a point. Then when the classes got really hard in high school, I was so spoiled that I had a hard time keeping up. Can you imagine that I failed typing class in 10th grade? hehe I did. It was not that I could not type, I could and had been doing so for two years already. It was that I did not turn my homework in. Really. The funniest thing is that there is a picture of me in the yearbook typing and the caption under it went something like Professional attitude - that is what ____________is showing as she concentrates on her typing in Miss __________ class. lol lol lol I still laugh over that one. My point here is that she may just have to find it within herself to bring herself back to where she should be. Things may get worse before they get better, but I know you have committed her to God and he has good plans for her. She will be fine in the long haul. I have learned such trust in him over these past few years. I seldom worry anymore about things. I lean on the everlasting arms and there I am safe. We all are. :) :rah: Prayers and Blessings, Loving Heart :heart: :heart: :heart: |
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| Toni | Jan 21 2006, 03:08 AM Post #16 |
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Thanks as always Loving Heart for your sweet encouragement. Please read the message I sent you just now asap. |
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| carolr3639 | Jan 21 2006, 10:04 AM Post #17 |
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Heaven Bound
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:m12: I guess the bottom line is that you will always love her no matter what. I have kids that have been in trouble, drugs, unwed pregnancy, etc. But life goes on and God enables you to love them even still. And he loves us when we make many mistakes. :heart: |
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| ed-gracetoday | Jan 22 2006, 08:39 AM Post #18 |
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Saw this and had to pass it on. |
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| Toni | Jan 22 2006, 10:19 AM Post #19 |
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I love it! Thanks Editor! |
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| carolr3639 | Jan 22 2006, 05:25 PM Post #20 |
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Heaven Bound
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:amen: |
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| Loving Heart | Jan 23 2006, 12:29 AM Post #21 |
God's Grace Warrior
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Love it Editor, so very pretty and so very true!! :heart: :heart: :heart: |
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