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TOO BLESSED TO BE STRESSED CHALLENGE 7/1 THRU 12/30, 2013
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Should A Christian Marry A Non Christian?
Yes 2 (11.8%)
No 14 (82.4%)
A Matter Of Circumstances 1 (5.9%)
Other 0 (0%)
Total Votes: 17
Should A Christian Marry A Non Christian?
Topic Started: Mar 28 2005, 02:05 PM (488 Views)
ed-gracetoday
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:help:
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monkey143
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Biblical direction aside: there are practical applications/reasons for the command to be equally yoked.

My first marriage: neither of us were. He was an alcoholic who left me and committed suicide.

My second marriage: I am, he's not. While we are happy most of the time, it would be so much more rewarding for me if he were. We could go to church together, make a triangle including God (instead of just a line between the two of us), have actual spiritual discussions, pray together, I wouldn't have to listen to profanities and would be (probably) treated like a lady. I know it wouldn't be perfect but at least it would be Christ-centered. Even if he fell short (as we all do; as I do now) he would know he was accountable for his actions and be TRYING to lead the family in a Christian way.

My sister married a good Christian man and is raising God-fearing boys. I'm so jealous! Not of her, but of her situation. And I know that a lot of her reward is a result of her GOOD DECISION but no doubt a lot of that has to do with the fact that her husband is saved. I don't lament my decision or situation but I sure can see where if I have to do it again (and I might - DH is older and his dr. says he's a heart attack waiting to happen) I would rather be alone than unequally yoked.

My 2cents, based on personal experience.
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WebTimothy
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My straight up answer is no. I really believe the Bible is clear about this.

2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?


Marriage is about as "yoked" as you can get.
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ed-gracetoday
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Three people voted so far, each in their second marriage. Betsy you are in my prayers, or should I say dh is.
My first was not and actually became a murderer and an America's most wanted. My second was a good man that I was able to lead to Christ. Both had its problems.
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WebTimothy
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Heaven Bound
My first wife was a strong Christian and I was the one who blew it in the marriage. When I met Brenda, I met God's gift for me. She's a genuine blessing and I have become a much better man because of her.
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gracie
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I voted no but want to recognize that many couples are in 'unequally yoked' circumstances beyond their present control. That is to say once there is a marriage it needs to be honored. But my heart aches for them, and I know the anguish that can often arise when your values are based on different things.

Even when both spouses are believers, there can be widely varying responses to their faith, due mostly I suppose to spiritual growth. Just look at our country and how many are Christians, and how differently they may lead their lives. Some feel as if all they need is to believe in Jesus as their Savior, attend church weekly and that's as far as it goes. But you also have those who every moment of their daily life is based on convictions brought about by their walk with the Lord. These variances can be had between two persons in a marriage. It can be quite similar to living with a nonbeliever.
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monkey143
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Gracie, well put!

And Candy, OK - you win for the weirdest past relationship. I thought I did. :)
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ed-gracetoday
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Really! Equally yoked is a very strainge topic. Do we have the perfect marriage where Christ is the head.

I am finally past the 15 years of horror I lived, but yep, of all I know of I take the cake.
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WebTimothy
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I hope you do... I might have to check the post office to see if Brenda's pic is on the wall just to make sure.
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monkey143
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LOL - Tim, you look thinner already! :)

Candy, I read somewhere that the people whose lives have turned out exactly as they planned/envisioned are the most bored, unhappy, and discontented. That must be true because (clap,clap) my life (and yours, it sounds!) could be a soap opera and I am happy and I know it (clap,clap)! :) :great:
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WebTimothy
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Hey thanks Betsy!!! :giggle:
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Chrissy
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I vote no, as is layed out for us in the Scriptures that were already mentioned. However, God can use anything bad for good, and many non-believers have become believers from being married to one.

Candy girl....all I can say about your marriage history is that I thank our Abba Father that you are out of that dangerous situation! I am also very sure that God used THAT evil situation to shape you into the strong woman of the Lord that you are.
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ed-gracetoday
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I came to Christ two years after my marriage and learned what it was like to be totally dependent on God. :praise:
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angelic
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This is quite a topic....

I voted no, for reasons already mentioned. Chrissy and Gracie, you gave some good insight. When we got married, my husband was going to a church, had sang on a church program on the radio, and I thought things were going to be fine--even tho' there were little signs that this wasn't a commitment----I pushed all that aside and argued why my marriage would be fine...... we should pay attention to those little signs.......My husband says he is a Christian and is ready to meet God anytime He calls his number. However, I don't see what I think would be the fruit of that commitment. Only God really knows what goes on inside our hearts, but I don't see the bible reading, the prayer, the talking about, the church going, the tithing, etc. He doesn't break the 10 commandments, he is compassionate, helps others, andloving to us the family, but..... I pray and leave the rest in God's hands, maybe I am looking for the wrong fruit in his life....

I heard of one women that was married and became a Christian, her husband said, 'Good for you, do your thing and I'll do mine...but it isn't church and prayers and tithing, and all that stuff.' -- so the lady - using the scripture of being unequally yoked, started a divorce. This was back in the days when you had to give a reason beside 'unreconcileable differences' -- when it got to the judge, he laughed and told her to go home and read every verse she could find on marriage and come back in 3 weeks with a list of the verses, and then let him know what she wanted to do [the husband didn't want a divorce but wasn't really fighting it eirther, for the kids sake, he said]. When the lady went back in 3 weeks, she apologized to the judge for taking up his time -and handed him sheets of paper with verses written on - and apologized to her husband for the pain she had caused in their marriage and the lawsuit, and then asked that they not be granted the divorce. The judge agreed - but he handed down 2 sentences -- 1. they had to appear before him every year for the next 10 years and let him know how things were going, and 2. -ordering them up to the bench, told them to hold hands and he proceeded to renew the wedding vows right there in the court room. For 10 years these 2 went into the judge and said they were still married - she still went to church with the children - he didn't... 15 years later, the judge received an invitation to a wedding of their youngest child. The husband met the judge at the door and took him into a room and thanked him for his insight so many years back. He told him it wasn't always peaches and cream, but his wife never nagged him about church again, and she was everything a good wife should be, and he wanted the judge to know that the day before this wedding, he had talked to the preacher and gave his life over to God.......2 days after the wedding the man was in a car accident and died......... It's one of those strange stories I remember from my childhood days....I think the pastor used it as a message on being unequally yoked...I remember at the time thinking, but they weren't when they got married, cause neither were Christians, and everything worked out fine for them--I think the pastor went on to talk about the hardships the marriage had and the trauma the family went through--almost divorced, in the newspaper headlines, stuff like that. So while you shouldn't be unequally yoked, God can take the bad and make it good, but it is so much harder on the marriage when you aren't that triangle.

I wonder about the number that said it would depend on the circumstance...where are they coming from what circumstance do they think would make a difference?
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monkey143
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Wow - great story! Thanks for sharing! I also thought DH "might be" - we went ot church together, seemed to have the same thoughts/ideas/ideals but slowly, after the marriage, he quit opening his wallet at church, then quit going to church - a year into it he said he hated going and felt coerced. I felt really taken for a ride but Angelic's right - there were little signs I should have seen but wanted to marry him too much to see them.
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ed-gracetoday
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I was the one who voted odd. DH was a Lutheran if asked. He sent his children to SS and confirmation classes. He went to church on Christmas and Easter. We immediately began going to church together when we started dating and he always put his offering in the plate without asking for a tax deduction.

But believe me, I KNEW this was superficial. Just because someone chooses Christianity if asked about their religion above what other choices there may be, does not make them in Jesus. I knew, I was patient and he gratefully accepted Christ during our marriage. He does say it was my patience and my witness that made him realize he was doing the right things, but never met Christ as his personal Saviour. There has been problems, yes, but what marriage doesn't have them? There is controversy when saying we should not be yoked together with unbelievers. Look at the marriage and ask truly if Christ, not he or she is head of the marriage. Still striving for that here, but I am at peace now knowing without a doubt he is saved.
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monkey143
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Candy, blessed peace to you! How wonderful, to know your husband is saved! And rewarding to know that you planted the seed (or someone else did and you did the harvesting)! :)
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gracie
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Editor, I amazed! Praise God who must have covered you with his grace to see you through this time.

* * *
I have to say it is so discouraging when people don't turn out to be who you thought they were. My mother cautioned me when I was first married about my husband being of the same faith. She was mostly talking about Catholicism and I wasn't much concerned. Since he came with me to church a few times, I knew he believed in God, and at that time I thought it was good enough. Older and wiser now, and realizing my faith was not all that strong at the time. Dying to self and living for Jesus is far from the simple belief that God exists and Jesus is our savior.
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ed-gracetoday
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Interesting who said yes. I had a word from the Lord in an uncertain circumstance so I voted, as I said, depends. I would love to hear your story!
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DependingOnHimAlways2005
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I married a non-christian as I had backslid quite a ways :huh: at the time. A lot of years were wasted I believe, and I always had a yearning in my heart for the Lord, and would occasionally go back...but I couldnt' share this with my husband. He became a Christian in 1993, and I rededicated my life to God. Now I will tell you my biggest regret. My children were not raised with the influence we could have given them had we been in the Lord. Even after we became Christians, my kids, being 8 and 12 at the time...It was basically past the time we could raise them in the Lord. I hadn't even really prayed for them, or read any children's Christian material with them. My daughter took to the church things pretty readily, and for that I'm grateful. There is a lot of guilt on my part...I KNEW better! What was I thinking at the time...not raising them with the faith that I was raised with.


A very dangerous path to marry a non-Christian IMHO...

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Tiana
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Marriage is to be a symbol of the relationship between Christ and His church. As Jesus loves & forgives each of us, that is how we should treat our mate, saved or not. As Jesus gave His life for us, that is a picture of what real love is: willing to sacrifice for the best interests of our spouse.
I thank God that He led me to two Christian men for my husbands. I met each of them in church. (First husband is deceased.) Sure, life won't be perfect this side of Heaven, but things certainly go easier when you're both viewing life from the same perspective.
Tiana
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ed-gracetoday
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Wow, beautiful relections from you both DOH, and Tiana. In God's eys you are both precious. Sems to be a commom theme in second marriages that we didn't get it in the first. Everyone welcome to correct me with their experience. I find this quite comforting.
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Wow, Candy, I am glad you are out of that situation. I voted no. The bible is clear on this.

This is a very touchy subject, to say the least. I have known couples where both were Christians and marriage didn't work. I have know couples where one was and one was not and had a great marriage. Who knows?
I do have friends where one is a Christian and one is not. We need to pray for these people every day.

My younger son is not and I pray. It scares me, that if he dies, he will not be in heaven.

Everyone had very touching things to say on this post.
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ed-gracetoday
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Barbara, you are right. Stats on divorce are glum for the Christian, divided and non Christian marriage equally. Coming close to what God desires in a marriage is what we all long for. This thread was really nice.
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DependingOnHimAlways2005
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True, the divorce rate is about the same, Christian or non-Christian..and I wonder sometimes WHY? Aren't we supposed to treat our spouse in a Christian manner? I am truly puzzled why the divorce rate is comparable *shrug*
I mean...if being a Christian doesn't help in the most intimate relationship on earth...why even BE a Christian...I'm sorry, but this is a real hot button topic for me, and I'm just wondering..I don't mean to cause any hard feeling, so I hope it's not taken that way :unsure:
True also, that a mixed marriage can be compatible...I just really believe it's the children who lose out, as one spouse might not feel as free to share their faith with the child as the other parent might protest...
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ed-gracetoday
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DOH, I am glad you see what puzzles me.
Why do we have such a strong opinion when our walk does not match it? I want Christian marriages!
My parents made it to 56 years without Christ. I do not condone that at all, but I would like to see a Jesus stand somewhere out there and those that have Christian marriages exhorting those that don't, or at the least mentoring them. .
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MusicMom
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First, let me apologize for digging up an old line of posting, but wanted to comment on some questions here...
I :love: my husband of ALMOST 14 years--December 14!! We are both growing, maturing Christians and were when we married. PRAISE GOD!!! I believe there may be several reasons there are just as many divorces among Christian people.

1. Christians have the same problems everyone else does.
2. Christians at times want to blend in rather than stand out and absorb the culture around them (including "acceptable sins") rather than standing up for godly principles
3. Christians tend to "put on a happy face" instead of facing problems and these problems escalate without being addressed
4. Satan is out to attack Christians and the family is his enemy (he attacks US--including our marriages, not the non-Christians

I know I'm generalizing (except for #1 and #4), but I really feel that we, as THE church, generally either sweep our problems under the rug and do nothing until they blow up or we fall into the world's ways and react to situations just as the average Joe Blow in our postmodern culture.

Just some thoughts...
Melanie
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ed-gracetoday
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We love it when an older thread is pulled up and that our new members have great insight like yours to share!
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monkey143
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Amen, Melanie. A woman after my own heart!
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LookingUp
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I was saved in 1975. My husband said he was saved as a child and he rededicated his life to Jesus within our first week of dating. He was excited about Jesus back then and loved to go to church - would raise his hand and pray and often had tears in his eyes.

When we married, he did a 180. Won't go to church, mocked my church and church friends, sometimes forbid me to go to church (and I went anyway). I backslid and stopped going because it was causing so much stress. Two and a half years later I started back because I know I can't live a strong Christian life without assembling with others and having fellowship.

God's working on him - his attitude is getting better about me going to church and he'll hold my hand and pray the prayer of agreement (me talking), I can talk about God or the service for a short period of time without him getting angry. I usually don't mention the service unless he brings it up.

Although the Bible forbids being unequally yoked, the practical walk of choosing an unsaved mate makes it very difficult because that makes my home a mission field and I often feel that I'm "on display" 24 hours a day to have a strong Christian witness - if I have a grumpy day I feel like I've hurt my Christian witness and he may reject Jesus because of my attitude or behavior. His backslid status has been good for me to learn to live my Christian walk consistently.

Debbie
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monkey143
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You're sure right about it being good for your walk - you are really, really accountable, which exercises all facets all the time! Good for you for perservering!
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ed-gracetoday
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I just cannot see how someone can do a 180 if they ever knew and loved Jesus. I think this is even sadder than someone who has never accepted Christ. I will keep your marriage in my prayers.
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J.I.L.
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Satan is definetly out to destroy marriages, the family..therefore christians can go through some pretty intense trials..which are not easy to go through and yes I think alot of christians put on a false front alot, possibly because they are concerned they may be wrongfully judged or criticized or condemed to being refered to as weak in faith. Which is sad to think how many people are strugging with problems that they need help with (power of agreement, prayer, support, encouragement ect)Debbie hang tight ..your on a mission 3:16(John 3:16) , you have my prayer and support. :ph43r: :hug:praying your hubby will taste and see that the Lord is good. All things are possible with God
:god:
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ed-gracetoday
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JIL, this is so true:
Quote:
 
and yes I think alot of Christians put on a false front a lot.
I will be ostracized for this, but in 37 years of Christian/church experience, I have only SAW one marriage Christ like intended, and heard of one other. How pitiful that we are not the Light of the world.
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LookingUp
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editor
Nov 21 2005, 07:25 AM
I have only SAW one marriage Christ like intended, and heard of one other. How pitiful that we are not the Light of the world.


I have to agree with you - I've only seen a few, too. I think it's pitiful - can you imagine how Jesus feels if we find it pitiful? After all, our marriages are suppose to show how Christ loves the church and how the church is obedient to Christ.

Thank you everyone who's praying for us. It's appreciated.

Debbie
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Frack
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From a Biblical standpoint, the ideal situation is that a Christian marries another Christian.

This is not a guarantee.

Things are not always ideal.

Beliefs change after marriage (one direction or the other).

So, beyond the "Ideal", there is always "stuff" to deal with...

Blessings,
Karen in AZ
aka Frack
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ed-gracetoday
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You put that quite well, Karen. A Christian marriage doesn't come with a fool proof guarantee. More like a warranty.
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Frack
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And you don't get to just coast along for the ride! It still takes commitment and work to make it through the ups and downs...
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Toni
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Amen! As soon as you start slacking off the path starts getting bumpy!
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